red light, green light.

a lot a lot a lot of downtown insanity.

in recovery, will update soon. haha.

languid lessons.

this week i am on vacation from work. after working hard and steadily for the entire summer, i need time to recoup. big time. days off, however, leave me bored and not knowing what to do with myself. i have basically been sleeping too much, reading a lot, whining about not enough exciting things going on, cleaning, and stuck on the computer. lammmmee.

justin and i had list spots for the jack's mannequin show at the grandstand yesterday via him pulling some strings with his manager and me knowing jack's manager. we both initially thought that the show was today, though, and i do not think he ever realized the correction. that better be the case, anyhow. oh well.

instead, heather and i went to major's (bleh) for fatty fatty foods (yum), went to blockbuster where we rented the first episode of a new vampire series on HBO (meh) and Superbad, which i have never seen (loved). i also pranced around in blockbuster in happiness for the 3 movies for $20 deal. i bought the other boleyn girl (not awful), sweeney todd, and definetly, maybe (my life). yay deals!

today i plan to run up to barnes and noble to pick up some editing books, the chicago manual of style, and whatever else i run into. later, mo is playing at the ugly mug downtown. thank god! something to do! i love love love his music, so i am extremely pumped for that tonight.

in the meantime, i am loving me some thunder and lightening. mmm. what else could a girl need?

these past few weeks have taken up territory in a strange land. i have found myself avoiding certain situations, people, and thoughts. i believe, within the next few weeks, things will become much more clear. for now, i am laying low and biding my time.

i believe

"It's not easy to believe."
"I," she told him, "can believe anything. You have no idea what I can believe."
"Really?"
"I can believe things that are true and I can believe things that aren't true and I can believe things where nobody knows if they're true or not. I can believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and Marilyn Monroe and the Beatles and Elvis and Mister Ed. Listen — I believe that people are perfectible, that knowledge is infinite, that the world is run by secret banking cartels and is visited by aliens on a regular basis, nice ones that look like wrinkledy lemurs and bad ones who mutilate cattle and want our water and our women. I believe that the future sucks and I believe that the future rocks and I believe that one day White Buffalo Woman is going to come back and kick everyone's ass. I believe that all men are just overgrown boys with deep problems communicating and that the decline in good sex in America is coincident with the decline in drive-in movie theaters from state to state. I believe that all politicians are unprincipled crooks and I still believe that they are better than the alternative. I believe that California is going to sink into the sea when the big one comes, while Florida is going to dissolve into madness and alligators and toxic waste. I believe that antibacterial soap is destroying our resistance to dirt and disease so that one day we'll all be wiped out by the common cold like the Martians in War of the Worlds. I believe that the greatest poets of the last century were Edith Sitwell and Don Marquis, that jade is dried dragon sperm, and that thousands of years ago in a former life I was a one-armed Siberian shaman. I believe that mankind's destiny lies in the stars. I believe that candy really did taste better when I was a kid, that it's aerodynamically impossible for a bumblebee to fly, that light is a wave and a particle, that there's a cat in a box somewhere who's alive and dead at the same time (although if they don't ever open the box to feed it it'll eventually just be two different kinds of dead), and that there are stars in the universe billions of years older than the universe itself. I believe in a personal god who cares about me and worries and oversees everything I do. I believe in an impersonal god who set the universe in motion and went off to hang with her girlfriends and doesn't even know that I'm alive. I believe in an empty and godless universe of causal chaos, background noise, and sheer blind luck. I believe that anyone who says that sex is overrated just hasn't done it properly. I believe that anyone who claims to know what's going on will lie about the little things too. I believe in absolute honesty and sensible social lies. I believe in a woman's right to choose, a baby's right to live, that while all human life is sacred there's nothing wrong with the death penalty if you can trust the legal system implicitly, and that no one but a moron would ever trust the legal system. I believe that life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you're alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it." She stopped, out of breath.

you said it was suicide, on the 4th of july.

you are everything you think you aren't. good luck with that.

truck beats brain.

i am still attempting to recover from last night's insanity. man alive.

after finishing up the summer at work, i really wanted to go out and do something last night and celebrate to some extent. heather and i debated options--none looked completely satisfying. eventually, however, justin texted me, newly back in town, and offered to bring me with to the linden show at the fineline, my second home. perfect. i had wanted to see linden play for a while, and so i accepted. met up with justin early and we caught up on life and plans and such on his patio, then hopped in the car with several coffee drinks and cds and made our way to the show.

right when i walked up to the fineline i started seeing people i knew. i ended up seeing several people that night who i had not seen in a while, and it was lovely as usual. justin and i mingled. murphy, gloria, and her friend arrived. we all hung out. watched the bands (impressed). i had a few too many cocktails and shotness (i blame murphy for the latter), and i ended up having 80's dance parties with strangers, piggybacking on justin, and making a fool of myself trying to talk politics with josh's wife. yikes. really good time overall, though. it was also decided by all of us that justin is blark's homeless person who occasionally drives trucks. what??

it was time to escape and justin and i danced our way down the minneapolis streets, wishing we could gain entrance into the totally-omg-awesome dance clubs whos participants had very little clothing on. got back to his place where his sis was making bachelorette paraphernalia. we chatted with richelle for a long time, sang to all-american rejects and ben folds, and eventually i left pierre world.

headed over to kalgren's house to catch up after he had been on his long tour. i brought the cigs, he provided the white wine and the bonfire. we talked for hours, whilst avoiding the smoke that smelt awful and contained cancerous wood finishing.

i woke up this morning with an awful headache and immediately went back to bed until 4:00 P.M. i am so awesome, it hurts. meh.

overall, it was a wonderful semi-end to my summer days. i love my men friends. i love my friend friends. i love life.

the. end.

things that annoy me (continued).

1. people with god awful music taste. you make the world a bad place.
2. people who think they know what they are talking about, but who just sound like idiots when they pontificate on and on and on. stop it.
3. long days without a cigarette break.
4. people who have no internal thought, emotion, depth, dialogue, etc...
5. people who have no idea that they do not have the above.
6. waiting for calls, waiting for texts, just waiting. i get anxious.

it is none of my business, but

i woke up with a sick feeling, realizing that some people lack an immense amount of adult maturity and complexity.

i told you to be patient, i told you to be fine.

sooo. a few things. ahemahem.

first. bon iver. unbelievable. it was the show to be at that night. those who loved good music were there. those who love good music but could not make it hated everyone who was there. lydia bought me and heather both a ticket to go to this sold out show at first avenue. let me preface this by saying that i caught some of his stuff at sxsw, and i know he is wonderful. but listening to him beside 1,500 people who were more excited than i was to see him was spectacular. every single person there was there to watch his show. the very few people who went there to get drunk were "sushed" and shoved out. for serious. the place was packed full of adoring fans. the highlights were "skinny love," where everyone sang the chorus in full-feeling shout, "the wolves part I and II" where justin encouraged everyone to start singing the last line softly and build up to a loud chant (which was done to perfection and goosebumps), and the last song. for the last song the band got up around a microphone and sang acapella to a song that they had not written, but made it their own. justin prefaced it by saying that everyone must be absolutely silent to hear it, which was true. to my amazement EVERYONE was quiet to listen. i have never been to a show where everyone is so into the music that they cease all conversation to listen. it happened here. wow. that is all i can say. the night ended, but for the best as it could not be better topped. eventually heather, lydia, sam (who we ran into outside desperately trying to buy a ticket and succeeding to his delight), steve, and myself all parted ways.

the whole week had mostly progressed, however, without much to do, which was fine by me. i worked, i ate, i slept.

saturday i got my hairs did. same old. blonde with blackish purple chunks and a haircut. i missed my christina, and was glad to catch up on all of the latest gossip.

sunday was the day i was truly looking forward to. the day previous i had gone to babies r us for amy's baby shower the next day. i have never ever ever enjoyed shopping for other people or enjoyed the thought of going to any type of shower, reception, etc... but after getting their registry and finding them a "i'm a rockstar" blanket, skeleton sweatsuit, a sling rider, and the goodnight moon book (that i remember from my childhood), i was so excited to go. so sunday i went with my mother to amy's parents and had an absolute blast watching her open all of her gifts. that girl is SET for that baby. she got so many adorable things. i was so very excited, for once, to see someone ELSE get presents. later a few of us girls went to crash the "man shower" at dan and amy's place. all the boys allowed our presence, and we sat outside for a few hours with beers, a passed around wine bottle, and laptops. we are lame but so cool at the same time. for reals. ha. good hangs all around, really. and the baby's room is absolutely perfect. i cannot wait for their little girl to be born and babysat by all of us. that child is going to be the most radical human being on the face of this earth. arg.

last week of work. the summer has passed by so quickly. quite frightening, actually. i still do not have a real life job, as i am lazy to the max and unmotivated by the summer season. i will most likely work at the job i have now for a while, as it pays great and i love the children to death.

today a friend (who will for now remain anonymous) asked me to help edit a fictional project he is working on. i am honored that he considered me and quite excited to take on such a thing. he is a brilliant man with far too many brilliant ideas. i only hope i can do him justice.

p.s. do not judge my laziness in blog form as record of how well i edit. i am an awful person when it comes to informal writing. forgive.

that is all for now. more to come later!

vegas must be lonely in the summertime.

when you obsessively hate other people, it usually just means you hate yourself.

bands/artists you should know.

1. the matches
2. say hi [to your mom]
3. death cab for cutie
4. jack's mannequin
5. the spill canvas
6. brand new
7. taking back sunday
   
8. stars
9. margot and the nuclear so and so's
10. kings of leon
11. barcelona
    
12. electric president
13. the weakerthans
14. the format
15. motion city soundtrack
    
16. lovedrug
17. the honorary title
18. mickey avalon
19. the spirit of '76
20. white light riot
21. this world fair
22. solid gold
23. weaver at the loom
24. bon iver
25. swimming with dolphins
    

greater than x and lesser than y.

this weekend has been extremely lazy, and i have loved every second of it. waking up at noon to an iced coffee and a cigarette, watching movies for the entirety of the day, etc...

my parents flew to florida to visit my uncle and aunt, and so my sister and i have had the house to ourselves since friday and will until tuesday (since i temporarily am living here until i find a real job since graduating). i like empty houses and quiet. quiet, however, was not an option here on friday night, as my little sister threw a party with all of her friends. luckily, zach got ahold of me that night and proposed a movie night. perfect. we watched a few movies, drank some rum cocktails, and debated on how good/awful the castings of the actors were.

since then i have not done anything. i watched a movie called feast of love, which was not awful. i want morgan freeman as a friend so he can give me sagely advice. heather and i had an ice cream/movie night here last night. i have been doing a lot of tarot readings for myself.

oh. i also had the chance to make amends/validate myself/prove my worth to several people this week. it is like they all lined up to take their turn on the blade of me. i think i came out on top, and am very satisfied at the results. lindsay for the win.

currently i am job searching. moreso, i am networking. i doubt i will find a job of interest through any internet searching, so instead i am contacting those around me who i know could offer a hand in connecting me to a job choice in my interest. hopefully there will be something fruitful coming out of that. we will see.

it is early for me, still. and so i retire to nothingness. ahhh. the beauty.

congrats are in order!

congratulations to one of my favorites becoming the new addition as bassist for one of my favorite bands the matches!dylan is the guy in the gray on the left. photo was taken after these guys bought me birthday shots at sxsw. aw. good memories. cannot wait to hang with him while he is in town with his new band! hoorah!

books you should read.

(^the series^)

::radio silence::

went to the ting tings show on monday at the varsity theater. gabe graciously enough got me on the ting tings list for the sold out show. oh how i love that man! luckily mike minehart snuck his way in as well to accompany me. going alone to a show is alright, but it is much better to have a familiar face. i mainly went to see zach's band solid gold play. unfortunately the ting tings demanded that they play as a three piece instead of their normal five piece. how self-righteous is that. hm. pretty pathetic. but solid gold did a great job regardless. i also saw jason and liz and the show. good run-ins.

this week i have been emotionally and mentally drained. i just want to curl up on my bed at the end of the day and watch a movie. i do not have energy to call people, care much at all, or think about anything. there are many situations that are all up in my headspace, and i cannot sort them out. instead, i shut down. so that is where i currently am. maybe by the weekend i will be ready to go again. i have just lost faith and respect in many individuals, and those who i still have it for i am concerned for.

on another issue, i have recently become aware of the hurt of a good friend. and i absolutely understand the frustration that this person has. a part of me reaches out, but a part of me has to look out for my own interests, as no one (except heather) has steadily looked out for mine for the past years. i have been in the same situation. isolated. and the only advice i can give is, stick it out. i know you know this. but i am taking what i can, while i can, because no one gave me anything at all before. it is a lonely place to be, and although i wish it on no one, it will pass and i must do what i can in the meantime. regardless, i gotcho' back. and i am sorry.

'tis all.

boys, boys, keep your gene pools to yourselves.

so over boys who so long to be men. gigs up, kids. you are as useless as ever. have a nice life, and do not catch anything too contagious.

he's checking all the hands of the people he meets.

work has been intense this week. i have had more responsibility this week than most previous. despite a few issues (that have since been dealt with), i have loved every moment of it. i love being put in a position to step up and test my capabilities. i think i am shining. in the least, i am growing.

last night heather and i ventured downtown to the ugly mug/dive bar opening. our good friends mo and cherise work there, and my group of friends practically live there. we were on the list for free cover, there was very cheap drink specials, many friends, and mainly we hung out on the patio as to avoid the clubbing crowd (yeesh). i ran into kevin from quietdrive, who i have not seen for ages, since backstage at the tornado tour actually with all-american rejects, the format (when i first met the boys and schey), motion city soundtrack (strangely i did not even pay attention to the set and all us girls thought justin seemed like a douche for no reason haha), and boys like girls. besides aar, "crush taxi" (me, heather, jen) has become good friends with all of those bands. small strange world. tangent! anyway, kevin and i chatted about what he is up to etc... i then saw my lovely cousin casey. love that girl. eventually i headed over to zach's to watch snatch, as he quoted every line before it actually was said. damn him. haha. but he made me some delicious popcorn, being the supposedly great cook he is, and we drank some beers and had good hangs.

speaking of the format, schey and i have been talking a bit lately. realistically, it is because he is on tour now. i fear he is may be good guy turned typical musician now, which makes me sad. c'mon schey! stop being a doucher! haha.

'tis all for now. i am off to nap. possible bonfire in blaine tonight. they are always a hit. pumped.

and you know it's such a drag---you live your life for a heartattack.

out with the old; in with the new.