Lindsay Vicious

TUMBLR

2011-01-20T17:58:00.000-06:00

find me here.

oh dear...

2010-12-20T19:56:00.002-06:00

it has been some time, eh?

it is so cold and snowy here. i walk around most days like this:
half because it is warmer, and half because i hate washing my hair.

i feel like i have many things to update on, and nothing at all to update on.

here are some things i will try to touch on in the future:

popsickle festival 2010 (photo below by joe lemke backstage)

holidays
work (which is still great)
basically taking over justin's place (which is extra great)
the guthrie's "christmas carol."
shane's premiere of his documentary "like a lion."
eventual presents.

WHO'S EXCITED FOR PRESENTS!?!?

i am actually more excited to have people open the things i got them instead of getting things. but of course i am still excited to GET. ;]

what's new with you all??? anything fun, interesting, sad? got stories, jokes, tales as old as time for me?

send em on in! a girl wants to know!

things that happened that i am into in a big way.

2010-11-27T23:01:00.005-06:00

movies i watched and adored (thanks to justin's netflix sending):

a pride and prejudice/sense and sensibility drama/mystery.

many story lines interweave. i love it when movies and books do this. very funny. very human. very sad. extremely quirky. WATCH IT.

i had to watch this one with subtitles on because there is SO much going on in every scene. i feel like i could watch it 20 times and see new things with each view. a human story mystery. so many different characters. so many motives. it is like a clue game x10 characters in movie form.

jenny owen youngs concert/hang out:

me and gretchen pre-concert. she was a sorority sister in college and one of my favorite people. i didn't get to hang out with her nearly enough in college, and i had not seen her since college.

proof! jenny and i love each other. cannot you see it?

jenny covering the MCS song for the first time at the minneapolis show. forgive my singing in the background. thanks, lydia, for uploading this and taking it in the first place!

best friend love:

heather brought me flowers for my first day of work. awww. she is so thoughtful. i am so lucky to have a girl like her on my side in life!

the replacements tribute at first ave:

justin singing the last song off of the "tim" record. everyone in the room was singing along. it was beautiful. i am so proud of him.

old times:

my mom, my sister, and i were going though many old videos the other day. i love old home videos. check me out in all of my annoying "diving" skills.

OMG.

2010-11-18T21:43:00.002-06:00

i am so behind at posting and making this place better.

oh dear.

i am so busy with work, and tumblr is so much easier. i am sorry i am betraying you!!

let me know if there is anything you want me to post. <3

GODKILLER

2010-11-15T18:58:00.002-06:00

justin is the voice of tommy (the kid). i think this is pretty badass. full episode. watch, then buy and support.

it is actually pretty offensive material, so do not watch if you are sensitive.

enjoy!

(NSFW)

MCS: A Lifeless Ordinary (Need a Little Help)

2010-11-10T15:43:00.001-06:00

A Lifeless Ordinary (Need A Little Help)

Motion City Soundtrack | Myspace Music Videos

things i love or want to love at the moment.

2010-11-05T22:27:00.004-05:00

justin had been dying to get me to read this (he bought it for me a few birthdays ago) so that i could watch the movie streaming from netflix. i finally made it through reading it while waiting at jury duty. i actually really dug it. very simple idea, but a very tragic idea. and i always love stories told from different character perspectives. i recommend both. they are different, but both are haunting.

how had i never seen this before? incredibly cheesy. but hey, it is camp. it worked! i LOVED chris tucker's character. i also adore leeloo and want to be her, although i do not think i could pull off her outfits.

hello, AMC. you are impressing me with TV series as of late. the walking dead? have you seen the first episode? no? GO WATCH IT. i am not a zombie fan, but MAN do they make it interesting and human. and the scope of the series is so huge. i am incredibly impressed by the graphics and the bigness of it all.

finished season 1 with justin a few weeks ago. starting season 2. only on episode one. excited though. i know, i know, i am late in the game.

HOLY CRAP. who loves the vampire diaries? i have no shame admitting it. i am absolutely in love. this season is intense. and here are my thoughts/predictions:

caroline is SO much better as a vampire. i like her now. she is ditzy and strong.
caroline and tyler are perfect for each other. i could see that happening.
i like the bonnie/jeremy closeness. they would be perfect together as well. both sort of against the vampire thing but still having to be involved and somewhat supportive.
damon and that new girl are going to try it out. as she said she likes bad boys.
elena will start to have more feelings for damon now that he is being all un-selfish blah blah blah.
katherine will get out. duh.

enter: EXCITING NEWS.

2010-11-04T18:01:00.001-05:00

i got a job. a job i really, really wanted.

i am SO flappin excited.

i can buy things again.
i have hope for the future!

my friend, brittany, is sort of the most amazing person in my life right at this moment.

Epic.

2010-11-02T16:54:00.004-05:00

Alright... There is so much to catch up on!

Motion City Soundtrack Video:

So I posted a bit previously about the making of this video. I am posting a bit more here, because you NEED TO SEE IT. When watching take into consideration that it was all one take, it was Justin and Shane's brainchild, it was filmed with the music sped up double time so that it would be slow motion when slowed, and think about how all of those people and props were moved in a out of the frame within tw0-ish minutes.

Spin.com: Exclusive Motion City Soundtrack Video

My favorite parts: The guys singing to each other. Jesse's tamborine playing. Tony throwing stuff at the end of the video. How the projector light hits the camera just right when Justin looks up. Justin's smiles and expressions. And of course I don't hate that you can see me snapping in the background. ;]

There were SO many awesome people helping out at this video. Everyone dedicated their time and energy to make this project come to life. Especially since the guys did it on their own time by themselves, the crew gave even that much more of themselves generously.

I am SO proud of my man, the band, the crew, Shane Nelson the director, my friend Bailey (at the end on the right) for the choreography, and the extras. UNREAL.

Stay posted for behind the scenes footage and pictures. I cannot wait for people to see how INSANE it all was during the filming. It should be sort of hilarious.

If you want to see more of the director's, Shane Nelson's, work head over to his site. He is one of my favorite human beings. The NICEST man alive, and so talented.

Omni-Fusion

Valleyscare:

So two weekends ago Lydia, Heather, and I went to Valleyscare (which is Valley Fair during Halloween month). I hadn't been there since High School, and Lydia had free tickets (bless her heart) so we decided to do something different on a Friday instead of going to a bar or a show. We went and relived our childhood!

It was actually a blast. We took Lydia's little sister and her friend, but basically were on our own the whole night dying from fright. Zombies run behind you and scare you out of no where constantly, so I screamed two times within the first five minutes. Geez.

We went into two haunted houses (I haven't been in one since Elementary School), but luckily Lydia and Heather let me be in the middle of them when we walked through.

That place must spend a fortune on fog machines. It was outdoors and the entire place was foggy like you wouldn't imagine.

I screamed a lot. I laughed a lot. And we ate cheese curds (YES).

MCS show @ First Ave in Minneapolis:

So I posted pictures from the MCS show, but I didn't say much about it.

It was a blast. My mom, aunt, sister, and I met up with the Pierres before the show for food and drinks. It was the first time that my mom had met them. It went well, I think. And it was fun to get both the families together and chat.

Then came the show. From here on I do not remember specifics very well. I remember some songs. I remember certain things like talking to people (although I do not remember what I said). Needless to say the Jaminski girls know how to have a good time.

I apologize here for anything silly I said or did to anyone. I had one too many.

The next day I hated myself for letting it get blurry and not soaking in the show. But you know what, I did have a great time, and so did everyone else. We danced and sang and laughed and ran around. I think it was a success. I just wish I would have paid more attention to my boyfriend's show who was only in town one night. DANGIT.

Dot (Josh's baby) was there backstage, and she was (like always) the most precious thing around. I adore her.

Luckily, we all made it out of the night alive...

After the show I took Justin home and we proceeded to vedge out for the next day. He took my car to run a lot of errands, and I just hung around enjoying him being home for a day. It was soooo good to see him and hug him again. I cannot wait for him to come back home now. Sigh. Goodbyes suck. Big time. I always get teary on the drive home. Stupid.

Halloween:

So I am not a huge Halloween-dress-up fan, but my bestie Heather is, so we usually go out with her and she helps plan costumes because she loves it so much. This year she planned "lions, tigers, and bears, oh my!" See below.

Get it? It was fun. My hair made for a great lion mane. So we met up with Kristin (who went out as an AWESOME Fallout 3 Vault 101 survivor) and roamed uptown. We ended up people watching most of the night and having very relaxed hangouts. There were some pretty fabulous costumes out there.

The next day (actual Halloween), my sister and I went to lunch with my Dad, as it was his birthday. It was really good. I got him a french silk pie for his birthday. It is our favorite.

That night my sister and I stayed in and watched movies while answering the door and giving out candy. I saw a few of my former students. I miss them so much!

NaNoWriMo:

I have decided to take on the National Novel Writing Month challenge. By the end of November I will hopefully have 50,000 words. The best part? One company, if you complete the challenge, offers one free paperback published copy of your book. WHAT!? Awesome. I cannot wait. It is good motivation for me to actually do it.

I think mine is an embellished memoir with pieces of my short fiction scattered in where it fits what or who I am talking about. Basically I want to make this and have something to leave behind, you know? And then I will later tackle real fiction.

If you are doing it too go ahead and add me. My username is lhutton.

Jury Duty:

It was very interesting to see the jury selection process the two days I was in the courtroom. I did not get picked, however, which worked out with Justin being home for two days. I did enjoy it though. No more for four years! Whew!

Things to look forward to:

Jenny Owen Youngs show on Sunday! Also (I am SO excited), I get to host a slumberparty with this wonderful lady at Justin's house (since she needs a place to crash). I cannot wait to watch scary movies, eat pizza, and take in the glory that is Jenny. I have a total girl crush on her.
Popsicle Festival: December 18th @ First Ave with MCS and many other artists. MCS wants to start this annual Minnesota winter concert, so this will be the first year. It will be a good chance to redeem myself from the last show.
Thanksgiving: My favorite holiday. YUM YUM YUM.
Possible job getting soon? I have high hopes! Cross your fingers for me...

HOORAH!

2010-11-01T17:25:00.000-05:00

Guess what? Tomorrow you can go to spin.com to see the premiere of Motion City Soundtrack's brand new video for "A Lifeless Ordinary (Need A Little Help)"!

I will have a lonnngg post to follow. Updates on everything that has gone on this month, and what will come in the following months. Stay tuned!

mcs show: in pictures

2010-10-30T15:42:00.002-05:00

sarah's birthday bonfire.

2010-10-20T00:14:00.002-05:00

look closely.

not pee. wine. wait. huh?

tumblr!

2010-10-17T19:47:00.002-05:00

i caved. follow me on tumblr, and i will follow you right back.

i am new at this thing--so stick with me through the slowness factor.

toxicreine.tumblr.com

Coming Soon:

2010-10-17T14:08:00.003-05:00

MCS music video (hopefully soon, soon, soon)
Pictures from that video shot (via Joe Lemke)
Behind the scenes footage (hopefully)
Pictures from Sarah's Birthday Bonfire
Some movie reviews (Justin is sending me Netflix again while he is away)

need a little help to get me...

2010-10-12T00:30:00.003-05:00

alright.

so, can i just say that the new motion city soundtrack music video is the greatest thing of all time and space?

because i cannot stop loving it.

the day of filming was extra long (it felt like to an observer who was not kept busy like all of the other hard-workers on site). i went early to bring justin and hang out, since i knew most of the main people working on the video. i helped with little things where i could (setup and such). but mainly i sat in a lawn chair watching it all. and man... was i overwhelmed with the amount of work and planning it took to create a few minute video.

the video itself is so entertaining, creative, and complicated. you will be taken on a hypnotic journey. i won't give any of it away... and it should be up soon. but i was SO impressed at how well it came together. what masterminds.

me, on the other hand, i am not a mastermind. i failed to stretch before the dancing parts. it was quick and short, but WHOA do i feel it now. i can barely sit down. luckily, it paid off (?) and you can see my blonde mess of hair bouncing around in the background. hoorah!

i simply cannot wait for people to see it and love it, as i am sure all of the huge MCS fans are going to adore the crap out of it.

otherwise?

job searching. BLEH. all day. every day. well... now that jp is on tour it is all day and every day. i need, need, need to get something by the end of november (unemployment will run out). i am applying to admin ass/receptionist gigs, social media/network jobs, writing/editing posts, etc... basically anything that i am qualified/interested in.

i interviewed for abercrombie (i am NOT an abercrombie person) but i need something. needless to say i didn't get it. although, i cut off my bracelets for the interview and my wrist has a large, sad white band where they have been for years... i will probably go and buy some more string and make more bracelets... but i need a job to have money to buy more string. DO YOU SEE MY DILEMMA!?

alright... i am getting loopy. can you tell?

quick reviews of things:

the social network: my mind was blown the entire time. the music. the dialogue. the love/hate of all of the characters. i absolutely recommend it. i did not hate one part of it. i think it may be the best of the year.

dexter: season 1: i watched this for the first time last weekish, and justin had already seen it but watched it again with me. i thought it was a fun romp. it had a very interesting perspective. i love dexter. i liked the story lines. it kept me interested. but most of the acting from the other characters was pretty awful. i hear it gets better. we will see. but the sheer campiness of the whole concept sort of excuses the acting.

californication: season 1 and 2: LOVE. my good friend brian recommended this show to me years ago in college--telling me he knew i would love it. he knows me so well. i absolutely love the fuckery (mostly figuratively, ha) of the situations. i love the romance/unromance of hank and karen. watch this. so witty. so fun. so scandalous. it is like the non-gratuitous, sweeter version of nip/tuck.

anyway... that is probably almost all of it.

sorry i have been so bad at updating--my life is extremely uneventful. i mean, i like it, but it yields no really interesting blog posts. and i have been terrible at taking pictures, so there is that for you too.

i re-added the twitter widget to my blog. it is over there somewhere <---. feel free to add. i went on a "private twitter" phase for about two weeks and deleted everyone i didn't know. sorry about that. sometimes i am a genuine class freakout freak. don't mind me.

anything you need to know? want me to post on? who's excited for the MCS tour!? any good tv shows i should watch on hulu or something? i am addicted to watching online tv shows at night. i need more ideas.

MCS music video.

2010-10-08T11:43:00.001-05:00

ATTN: Humans

2010-10-03T22:24:00.001-05:00

We are not eighteen. Grow up.

random photo updates.

2010-09-30T00:09:00.004-05:00

here are some randoms given to me from photographer joe lemke!

warped tour & the koo koo/tommy & kari bday party!

broad ripple is burning.

2010-09-26T01:24:00.004-05:00

i have been SO busy applying to different places to work. no luck so far. cross your fingers for me and send out good vibes my way. when i am not job searching i am usually brain-fried, so i am sorry for the lack of updates. one day they will come again soon.

AWESOME things i did in the past two weeks:

pavement concert. i felt like i was transported back into the '90s. LOVED it.
farewell continental show at an art gallery. a lot of good music was played that night.
margot and the nuclear so & so's show. the show was much better than i anticipated. us girls got to hug hellos to the ever-lovely violinist, cookies, who we got to know last time around and who, graciously, put heather and i on the list for the show. and they played "broad ripple is burning"! swoon. they played the demo/b-side greats like they were going out of style. i was impressed.
the flaming lips concert! WHOA. talk about a trippy party. i was literally entranced the whole show. the confetti. the balloons. the naked hippie girls dancing across the monitors. amazing.
the acoustic MCS show for the HUGE improv theater fundraiser. oh, the fun we all had. what a sing-a-long laugh party. justin and josh mckay did a great job.
hanging out with my dad and sister at dinner and to see the movie the town. was very good times.
a LOT of mad men with justin. he is loving it! i hoped he would. into season two now.

ANNOYING things i have been up to:

applying for a million jobs and getting denied. denied!? i know that if i could JUST snag a little-bitty interview that they would love me and hire me. i mean, c'mon, companies! give me a chance. an itty-bitty chance. sad face panda shark. right here. that's me.

and here is a little margot and the nuclear so & so's for you. if you have never heard them, this is you chance to fall in love.

BONFIRE!

2010-09-20T19:40:00.006-05:00

Laura's Wedding: In Photos (Shelly Mossman)

2010-09-13T18:12:00.003-05:00

twins game!

2010-09-11T13:47:00.001-05:00

went to the twins game on thursday with justin and his parents. BEST SEATS EVER. it was my first time at the new stadium. so beautiful, and i love the new outdoors-ness to it. i felt like i had actually done something worthwhile that night. so much fun. and the pretzel and cheese and cotton candy were pretty awesome too.

koo koo kamera part 2: kitty cat klub.

2010-09-08T13:46:00.005-05:00

with miss kari gray and the meghan rother

GABERS!

laura, lydia, koo koo

ditto!

joe, lydia, some hand

jared!

kelly, brittany, laura, lydia

and introducing... the christened member to our gang...
LAURA STORM!

welcome laura, we aren't really scary... but we think we are cool by NOT being scary. what???

make a real true color come end to end.

2010-09-08T01:48:00.005-05:00

things i did and enjoyed:

farewell continental show at the kitty cat klub for kari and tommy's birthday! koo koo kangaroo! HOLY CRAP. DANCE PARTY MANIA! and kari gray and meghan rother COVERED in shaving cream. i love those girls. they are troopers to the max. hopefully photobooth pics to come.
apps and drinks with kari gray and co.
getting hair done (i am a blonde albino again--in the best sense of the word).
labor day bbq with my mom's side of the family. got to chill with little baby sadie.
justin's parent's wedding anniversary. aw. SO much fun. and WAY too much food.
dinner with my uncle scott and aunt pam, who i do not get to see too often.

things i am going to do and will enjoy:

hopefully buying another pair of glasses tomorrow, so that i can abandon contacts almost all together. glasses are just so much easier!
twins game with the pierre family tomorrow (today)! finally the new stadium i get to see!
hang outs with friends this weekend.
pavement concert on sunday. EEE! i need to study up.
margot and the nuclear so & so's on friday. LOVE.
the flaming lips the following sunday!

holy moly. so many good things happening and to come.

now... i just need to find a job.

i am working on it. ;]

15 Albums

2010-09-02T17:30:00.000-05:00

The rules: Don't take too long to think about it. Fifteen albums you've heard that will always stick with you. List the first fifteen you can recall in no more than fifteen minutes.

1. Alanis Morisette- Jagged Little Pill

2. No Doubt- Tragic Kingdom

3. Taking Back Sunday- Tell All Your Friends

4. Spice Girls- Spice

5. The Spill Canvas- One Fell Swoop

6. Say Hi- The Wishes and the Glitch

7. The Weakerthans- Left and Leaving

8. My Chemical Romance- Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge

9. The Format- Interventions + Lullabies

10. Goo Goo Dolls- Dizzy Up the Girl

11. Train- Drops of Jupiter

12. Vertical Horizon- Everything You Want

13. Fiona Apple- When the Pawn...

14. Matchbox 20- Mad Season

15. S.O.A.P.- S.O.A.P.

2010-08-31T22:59:00.000-05:00

Wish on everything. Pink cars are good, especially old ones. And stars of course, first stars and shooting stars. Planes will do if they are the first light in the sky and look like stars. Wish in tunnels, holding your breath and lifting your feet off the ground. Birthday candles. Baby teeth.

Films I MUST See.

2010-08-31T18:18:00.002-05:00

2010-08-31T15:14:00.003-05:00

I just don't quite have the energy, words, or uncensored topics to bring to this right now. Meh. Sorry.

The Day You Read This.

2010-08-29T15:30:00.001-05:00

Best Buddies.

2010-08-28T19:11:00.005-05:00

Meet Milton (duck) and T-Swift (goose). My sister's boyfriend's best friend's mom found T-swift on the side of the road as a baby, its whole family being run over, and so she brought T-Swift home. My sister's boyfriend, Derek, then bought a baby duck so that it would have a friend. They are adorable together. Who would have thunk? They were the entertainment of Derek's going away party today.

The Things I Did in the Past Few Weeks.

2010-08-26T21:58:00.003-05:00

BLNX @ Turf Club (as always spectacular show)
Coffee with my cuz Casey (always gets me and loves me)
Ari Herstand's "Last Kiss MPLS" show (lots of bands I started music with lots of crazy)
My aunt's house warming party (insane mansion and a lot of good family time)
Stoop drinks with Brittany and Jared (ALWAYS love my Brittany stoop times!)
Laura's wedding!!!
- PHOTOBOOTH!
- Loring Pasta Bar ceremony and Chambers reception. PERFECTION.
- Great music and dance party.
- Perfect chill vibe.
- Good times hanging out with people I don't get to see often.
- LOVED.

Pickle Park with Sarah! (We caught up on all things and communicated with our eyes a whole lot)

The Books I am Trying to FINISH.

2010-08-26T21:55:00.002-05:00

2010-08-26T21:51:00.001-05:00

There are many things to figure out.

I have much to focus on in myself.

But despite it all, things still work out in strange and better ways...

2010-08-26T21:50:00.002-05:00

But I have a new love for that glittering instrument, the human soul. It is a lovely and unique thing in the universe. It is always attacked and never destroyed…

Laura and Adam's Wedding!!!

2010-08-23T15:38:00.008-05:00

Best wedding ever! I will post more details to come, I am sure. Love my ladies and my man friends! HEARTS.

Click to enlarge, BTW.

Prepare to Melt.

2010-08-19T11:34:00.000-05:00

MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON from Dean Fleischer-Camp on Vimeo.

Thanks Christina, for sending me this little gem.

Whew.

2010-08-18T11:05:00.001-05:00

I have no shame in saying that therapy is a godsend for those of us who don't talk about our feelings to other people.

Promises from a surfacing person.

2010-08-17T12:26:00.007-05:00

Nowadays I will ramble on to any acquaintance or quiet night I find. I tell them exactly what I feel when I feel it. I often find myself apologizing a lot too--even to those who have known my ways for years. I apologize for my lack of filter, for my external monologues, and my short-lived bouts of mania followed by an urgent need for sleep. I leave a lot of parties early. I slip out without saying goodbyes. I skip with joy to the parking ramp and relax in the solitude of the night. My dear friend tells me, "Now, don't keep yourself in a container." I'm not. I'm trying not to. And I think I am doing a pretty swell job at it considering. But I cannot hide it when my heart beams back, "I love the time spent in my head."

It startles me how little I hold myself closed. I am an open door to any initial conversation about the meandering of religion, the lack of direction, and the pain of growing up. I am startled by how quickly I can snap off, like an unfamiliar room going pitch night when you are standing right in the middle of it. Bring up an unfavorable topic, like Thoreau's body of literature or the pleasure of keeping time, and I will send you bumping into all of my clumsy, made-from-wood-that-feels-like-steel furniture without a hope for you to find EXIT.

It reassures me how patient family, most friends, and even more near strangers are with me. It is like the universe sent out an open-letter memo with instructions on the right things to say at the right time. I give heartfelt thanks to the universe and those who check their e-mails every day. And in return I am trying to give them all the best and worst parts of me in honesty. I am picking up where I remember myself to have been three years ago. A work in brutal truthfulness. A work in authenticity. I do not support shameless pride. I will not discredit the experience of a despairing teenager--telling them that they do not know what love is. I do not indulge in giving leave of conduct to friends who bat eyelashes at their other friend's interests (When I was nineteen I would have gladly patted them on the back in their conquests). Now I do my best to slip on the heartache of other people, try it on, and wear it for a while. No one deserves neglectful heartache, no matter how much it strengthens. We are all struggling; we are all trying to heal. No one needs the extra burden of other people's carelessness on top of all of that. I can barely babysit myself at the best of times; I have no energy to coddle those who are not wide-eyed breathers themselves.

It all moves in twelve hour shifts. Hope fills me for the morning and Sadness takes over when Hope goes home to sleep. Sometimes they trade because Sadness has too anxious a mind and needs to air it out into productive work. But often the two do this without informing me, and to punish their short, or no, notice switch, I make Sadness stay a few extra hours past Her stint.

But I am trying to love myself as others love me. I am trying to see myself as others see me. I make no excuses for my faulty actions--I make apologies. I eat less, but instead I eat my favorite foods when I want to eat them (Cheese and chocolate are always on the menu). I read a lot of women writers. I lie in bed with a sometimes busy mind, and keep telling it something I heard that has helped me, "Send him some love and light every time you think about him, then drop it." And to my surprise my cycling thoughts shut off, and I am left with a lightness and a love that I have not felt in months. Funny how the smallest of things help a seemingly code-red mental emergency.

I want you to know that I will be alright. I have a whole person inside of me, it is just floating--bit by bit--up to the surface. What a shaky, unsteady creation it is in the making. But every day another part of it comes together, and I welcome each part. I want you know that I am going to be bigger and brighter than I have ever been before.

I've had to rid myself of other pieces of myself and will probably continue to over the course of this year, but they will be toxic pieces. Pieces you will not miss in me. I am reminding myself that I deserve to be loved. And those who love me are doing an incredible job of showing me this. I promise that I love you back, but I will show it better in the coming months.

They say that tragedy hits in threes. I believe this. Three is the divine number. I have never trusted evens. Three friends gone last year, and this year set me up for the triple tragedy of my own sort of passing--the professional, the family, and the personal. But I believe this is only a passing of a former self, and this strange transition of a year will pull me into everything I was meant to be.

2010-08-16T17:55:00.002-05:00

She wasn’t bitter. She was sad, though. But it was a hopeful kind of sad. The kind of sad that just takes time.

i'm drunk on tuesdays...

2010-08-13T15:26:00.004-05:00

Do yourself a favor, and sign up on 4onthefloor's mailing list for two free songs.

http://www.4otf.com/

The two songs you get were my favorite songs from the entire night at the Varsity last night. My dear friend, Gabe Douglas, is a fantastic musician. Those two songs gave me chills. LOVE.

2010-08-12T03:45:00.002-05:00

goals:

2010-08-09T21:22:00.003-05:00

find a job i at least mildly enjoy that pays the bills.
move into a studio apartment (i am low maintenance).
be nicer to people, especially friends. i can be a bully. i can be negative. i am going to try to stop that. i hate that about myself.
be less critical, especially to family and friends.
make an effort to hang out with friends more often and keep my plans.
write more, but without pressure. i will write when i want to. when i am inspired. one day i may change the world with what i say, but i shouldn't have to force it.
read more. instead of surfing "on demand" i will open the nearest book and settle down with it.
visit my friends' kids more. those are the important hang outs. those are the important people. they are new and they need all of the love and support that the world can give them.
try to spend less time on social networks. i want the real world. this may take some time, as pressing the refresh button on facebook and twitter is as addictive as diet coke.
try to eat better, or in smaller portions. i inhale food like it is going out of style. i probably should stop eating my boredom.
be nice to myself.

this is the beginning.

2010-08-08T23:36:00.002-05:00

in the back room there's a lamp
that hangs over the pool table
and when the fan is on it swings
gently side to side
there's a changing constellation
of balls as we are playing

i see orion and say nothing

2010-08-08T12:50:00.001-05:00

My life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes.

Warped Tour

2010-08-01T22:34:00.005-05:00

Bands I Saw:

The Exposed, Andrew W.K., Set Your Goals, Every Time I Die, Pennywise, The Rocket Summer, Fake Problems, Hey Monday, Reel Big Fish, We the Kings, Attack Attack, NeverShoutNever, Of Mice and Men.

Highlights:

The Exposed (plus interview), Hey Monday, one song I knew from NeverShoutNever. Hanging with Mike and Skelly. Seeing Kristen, Jared, Joe, Justin, Meg, Kat, Pat, Tam, am I forgetting anyone? Skipping lines for the Monster Energy truck via press pass. More info on vegetarian/vegan stuff. Observing what it was like to be young at Warped Tour and excited (as a few-years-ago veteran).

Reviews, Pictures (via Mike Minehart), and Articles will be posted here in the near future.

This weekend:

2010-07-31T12:13:00.004-05:00

Tonight: Laura's bachelorette party! We are going for apps and then on to the Usonia show at the fineline!
Tomorrow: Warped Tour to review it for borangutan.com with Mike. Jared will be there, Kat is working for PETA, and I am semi-excited for it and semi-dreading it (now that I am older and less tolerant of people, heat, and bad music). If you are going there, text me. If you are working it this year, text me. If you have band suggestions, comment me. Otherwise my review will be posted here and a few other places!
Monday: Something Corporate with Sarah and Adam!!! Eeee! Lydia, Heather, Larissa, and Matt will be going too. Yeehaw!

Oh no!!! It's a volcano!

2010-07-25T19:01:00.003-05:00

Koo Koo Kangaroo w/Farewell Continental @ 7th Street Entry

TOO MUCH FUN TO HANDLE.

Introducing: The Koo Koo Kamera.
Please go and see this group if you ever get the chance.

Things I did this week:

2010-07-23T18:18:00.003-05:00

Hung out with the fabulous Brittany and Jared at Sushi Tango and The Independent. Had some drinks, soybeans, dumplings, and onion strings. Yummy! Brittany and I believe that the Sushi Tango drinks were extraordinarily potent.
Was lucky enough to see the Farewell Continental group lay down some sick tunes twice in one week. And of course, witness the genius of Ed Ackerson at work.
Saw Inception with Justin. MIND BLOWN. How do people write such complicated stories and succeed? Ugh. So discouraging to have such geniuses at work in this world. Ha. I loved the levels. I loved the building tension. I loved it all. THAT was a film, let me tell you.
Started My So-Called Life series with Justin. I have watched it several times, but he is new to the Angela and Jordan love affair. We are excited.

This coming weekend?

Saturday: Farewell Continental at the 7th Street Entry around 5pm.
Sunday: Mad Men Premiere.

EXCITED.

Gearing up for Mad Men season premiere!

2010-07-23T17:57:00.002-05:00

Need a refresh of what happened in the past three seasons? Here it is in under 5 minutes.

2010-07-22T18:36:00.000-05:00

I live my own life and nurse my own wounds. It's not the best way to live. But it's the way I am.

2010-07-22T17:58:00.001-05:00

I waver between opening up and closing down.

Sorry.

2010-07-20T15:24:00.001-05:00

Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody I've ever known.

i want this man to give me a piggyback ride.

2010-07-19T01:02:00.002-05:00

Found this on youtube, while trolling the internet. This is what I saw on July 4th this year at the Taste of Minnesota. I absolutely fell right back in to love with Adam and the Counting Crows. I LOVE THIS MAN.

upcoming dates:

2010-07-18T12:48:00.003-05:00

July 24th: Farewell Continental @ 7th Street Entry
July 31st: Usonia @ The Fineline
August 1st: Warped Tour
August 2nd: Something Corporate @ The Cabooze
August 14th-15th: Polish Festival

Anything else I should be sure to put on my calender for the Minneapolis area?

2010-07-17T17:21:00.001-05:00

Can you see me? All of me? Probably not. No one ever really has.

things i heart at the moment:

2010-07-17T13:31:00.009-05:00

stoop hangs with brittany, her friend emmy, and our friend captain morgan (deciding that stoops > triple rock blingo for that night).
rooftop hangs at molly's AMAZING place in downtown minneapolis with all of her friends and her sister and their band sick of sarah.
the fact that justin is coming home in 1-2 days! i am practically dying at this point.
my unemployment finally went through, so i have money again!
sarah, jen, double, and their crew. new found friends and really fun times. very grateful.
the fact that it isn't winter out, because if it was winter time and i was unemployed, i think i would go nutso.
crystal light.
coffee.
sleeping in (versus waking up at 5:30am every morning).
everyones babies/toddlers (who i get to hang out with but get to leave with mommy or daddy afterward).
trolling the internet and finding new pictures people have posted of MCS, and reminding myself how good-looking my boyfriend is (i know, i am simply ridiculous).

things i dislike at the moment:

not knowing what i want to do in life or where i want to work.
writer's block/mind warp.
pulled back muscles.
headaches.
listlessness.
the fact that i TOTALLY FAILED at the 52 books in a year challenge. too much of a tough year to tackle that. next year, perhaps.

rooftops and creeps.

2010-07-17T11:33:00.003-05:00

two things you should check out.

2010-07-16T12:32:00.002-05:00

---

All-Ages Rock Show:
Skies Alive, Koo Koo Kanga Roo, Farewell Continental, Wide Eyed Kid

Saturday, JULY 24th.
7th Street Entry.
5PM. $7 at the Door.

Curfew 9pm

Skies Alive
Koo Koo Kanga Roo!
Farewell Continental
Wide Eyed Kid

thought i'd share how big of a loser i am.

2010-07-15T23:27:00.007-05:00

go ahead. observe my idiocy. this is what i do on nights when i am lying in bed and have watched all of the available grey's anatomy episodes on hulu.com, am tired but cannot sleep because my allergies are making my eyes itch, and have no one left to stalk on facebook.

go ahead. spread this around. show your mom. COLORS.

so idiotic, i had to do it.demanding cartoon.my personal fave. how disgusting.

grumpy care bear deluxe.

borg.

sirius black.

anime koala face.

i miss this crazy guy.

2010-07-15T09:41:00.001-05:00

Rain Soaked: In Pictures.

2010-07-12T12:11:00.008-05:00

Earlier in the week I saw Meg at Pickle Park. Worlds colliding!

Great times with the girls later on! Sarah, Heath, Me, Jen. Hearts!

Later, after walking through the rain, Dubs played DJ. The best was probabblllyy Mr. Roboto for Jen. The dance topped it.

And THEN? LUCE!!! What else did we girls need???

Oh, yeah. Free DVDs! Thanks, Double!

Sarah and Jen in love.

Heather and myself are also in love.

And then we were tired. Zzz. (Fake sleep, clearly).

Penchants and Practice.

2010-07-11T17:02:00.004-05:00

When I was young I fought against fairytale expectations and romantic movie expositions. I was determined to experience, but knew that I was unlike the heroines. I had heart, and I had backbone, but I lacked the silver tongue and the perfectly manicured talons to entrap.

Later, I took pleasure and comfort in Dostoevsky and the promise of his words--Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men must, I think, have great sadness on earth. So I bathed in pain, in sadness, and let it form me--letting it sink its roots into me. I cultivated my greatness in the lack of what I had. And after that I never took a single wet eye for granted, and naturally I was sought out by those that would instruct further than Fyodor could.

One taught me that I could be loved. Two taught me to never fall in love with someone just because they show you love. Three showed me that there are conditions to affection. Four ignored me. Five only cared for me. Six hated me. Seven and Eight should have taken Two's advice. And Nine reminded me to make sure I had others around me to remind myself of who I really was, because losing yourself is the surest way to lose everything else around you.

Love is a dangerous angel, and trust is its gilded winged counterpart.

I now love with a very deep heart, but trust with a large intelligence--knowing that trust can bind or blind, and no one can ever see through the layers of heart and hurt to predict whether the one you trust can trust themselves.

The best we can do is have a cautious, well-natured hope for the future, and a penchant for both lucky endings and new beginnings.

2010-07-09T15:25:00.000-05:00

Please believe that things are good with me, and even when they’re not, they will be soon enough. And I will always believe the same about you.

tested & true. best of my decade.

2010-07-08T23:57:00.001-05:00

Get Your Own Free Hypster.com Playlist.

Everytime it rains she just feels a lot better.

2010-07-05T22:32:00.006-05:00

Virginia: Submerge Reunion ShowBefore Justin left for Warped Tour, I was treated to the experience that was the Submerge Reunion Show, a benefit for the guys' friend who had a stroke. It was a whirlwind trip! We traveled all the way to Virginia for only one day to see the show, as Justin was SUPER excited to see Matt and Tony's old band play once more. He made me listen to the whole CD on the plane ride there. I dug it. We landed, checked into the hotel, and set off for dinner. We landed at this upstairs-Italian food joint. The wait was long, and we feared we would miss the show, but luckily we got seated and scarfed right in time. Afterward we went to the venue, and JP introduced me to all of the old "scene" in which they started off with. We also hung out with Tony and Matt's families, who are ALWAYS such a joy to be around. Their parents are so like them, obviously. But it is always fun to see where people come from. I also officially met Jessica, a MCS fan, who drove hours to catch the show. Dedication, I tell ya!!! I love it! Her and her husband were lovely show-watching companions.

First a band called Sau started. It was fronted by Jack's Mannequin's bassist, Doctor J--who is the most hilarious man. His energy was fun to watch, and I actually loved the music. It was metal-y with a full horn section. What!? Yeah.

Then Submerge came on. Justin was practically jumping in joy. It was fun to watch him so excited for the guys. And let me tell you, they KILLED it! I had never seen them so close and from the very front. Wow. I thought Tony was going to break the drums, he was a machine!!! And Matt's bass skills and vocals were flawless. It was delicious! And I recognized some songs from listening a few hours earlier.

The next day Justin and I went to breakfast at a French-type of place, where both the manager and our server commented on how much they loved MCS (so cute). And then we hung out with Matt and Kristen. The two, since it is their hometown of sorts, showed us around. We all visited the local record store, but Kristen ended up saving me from boredom and she brought me to a really radical clothing store (where I would have bought everything save for the prices hindering my wallet opening) and a really funky toy shop of sorts. The guys met up with us there and we lingered looking at strange objects for a while. Then we visited a coffee shop. Chatted. Ate a lot of bakery goods. And eventually said our goodbyes. It was the first time Kristen and I had really ever talked, and I fell in love. She is so unique and has so many quirky and interesting hobbies--which I really envy. I was so glad that they took time out of their day to hang out with us.

Overall, WONDERFUL adventure. I love adventures.

Pickle Park: Hangs with Sarah (and her girls)
Sarah, lovely woman that she is, invited me out with her friends to Pickle Park a few Thursdays ago. I had such a good time with her. We talked all night (toward the end I don't quite remember what about), but Double was bartending that night, and of course he treated us to the perfect drink concoctions. Needless to say, my sister was there with her friends that night too and she had to drive me home. Eep! I spend nearly two days recovering, and I cringe at how annoying I must have been. But Sarah is a trooper!!! The picture below... Well. It was the end of the night. My eyes say it all. Sober... Right? Er. No.

(my head appears much smaller due to proximity. i assure you our heads are the same size.)

Gabe hangs

Gabe and I hadn't hung out in ages, so he invited me down to Uptown to see his new house, and MAN do I love it! He is a lucky, tasteful man to have scored such a lovely place. We then went for drinks and apps, chatted, etc... And then found him a kitchen thing. And I went home. He is going to help me get motivation for writing. I love Gabbers.

Laura's House: Vegetarian Cuisine a la Chef Laura (with Guests)

Laura invited us girls, including Heather and Lydia, over to her new house for dinner. Laura is a SPECTACULAR cook. And she made us a vegetarian feast! Black bean burgers with guac and salsa, avocado and citrus salad, and a pasta-type of mixture with sweet potatoes. And finally... CHOCOLATE BROWNIES! Heather also brought wine. YUM! I was stuffed for days. I need to learn some skills from Laura. She is a master at food. And everyone knows that this girl loves food!

Twilight: Eclipse (my review, minimal spoilers)

So I have now seen Eclipse twice. The first time alone, and the second time today with the girls. My review remains the same.

I thought it was 10x better than the previous two.

I think the director and cast must have seen how awful the acting and scenes were especially in the last movie and worked to improve.

From the moment the movie started, I felt the acting (especially for the painfully awkward duo of Robert and Kristen) was much more believable and easy. The romantic scenes were not so cringe-worthy, and the movie was funny where it was SUPPOSED to be funny. I actually laughed out loud in several parts, as did the rest of the theater.

The appearance of the film was better as well. The vampires' eyes must have been CGIed, because they looked FAR less contact-y than the previous films. The vampires' skin also looked less caked on, and far more attractive than the last movie. The colors, especially during the wolf scenes, made everything look more realistic than previous.

There was also enough action balanced with enough romance for this movie. Where as the last was overly dramatic and romantic (which isn't bad, but was bad with how horrible the actors were at doing it).

The only thing I didn't like about the movie was the change of actress for Victoria. I preferred the first woman. The new woman is fine, but she just doesn't quite fit for me. oh well.

Overall: If you at all have interest in the Twilight Saga, you will love this movie.

A Lesson in: Stress (Also see: Overwhelming fear and lulls)

Lately I waver between stress, fear, and contentment when it comes to my current unemployment situation. I am unsure of what I WANT to do. I am unsure of what I SHOULD do. And I don't even know where to start. Do I nanny for a while? Do I find a non-profit? Do I pursue writing/editing? Do I pursue promotions to get into the music/event scene? I have a lot of great traveling opportunities approaching in the near future, and I am unsure of what I could do to compliment those vacation days. I will never get a chance like this again, probably, to have more freedom. But I also feel like I should be working right now. I am lost. I am currently scouring the internet and going on informational interviews to find ideas for careers. Eesh.

Preview: Taste of Minnesota (more to come when Heather gets pics up)

2010-07-05T12:06:00.001-05:00

It seems to me now that the plain state of being human is dramatic enough for anyone; you don’t need to be a heroin addict or a performance poet to experience extremity. You just have to love someone.

What I have lived for.

2010-07-02T23:58:00.001-05:00

Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind. These passions, like great winds, have blown me hither and thither, in a wayward course, over a deep ocean of anguish, reaching to the very verge of despair. I have sought love, first, because it brings ecstasy—ecstasy so great that I would often have sacrificed all the rest of life for a few hours of this joy. I have sought it, next, because it relieves loneliness—that terrible loneliness in which one shivering consciousness looks over the rim of the world into the cold unfathomable lifeless abyss. I have sought it, finally, because in the union of love I have seen, in a mystic miniature, the prefiguring vision of the heaven that saints and poets have imagined. This is what I sought, and though it might seem too good for human life, this is what—at last—I have found. With equal passion I have sought knowledge. I have wished to understand the hearts of men. I have wished to know why the stars shine. And I have tried to apprehend the Pythagorean power by which number holds sway above the flux. A little of this, but not much, I have achieved. Love and knowledge, so far as they were possible, led upward toward the heavens. But always pity brought me back to earth. Echoes of cries of pain reverberate in my heart. Children in famine, victims tortured by oppressors, helpless old people a hated burden to their sons, and the whole world of loneliness, poverty, and pain make a mockery of what human life should be. I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot, and I too suffer. This has been my life. I have found it worth living, and would gladly live it again if the chance were offered me.

man, if i had 30 dollars...

2010-07-01T22:58:00.003-05:00

threadless.com is having a $10 sale again. go fall in love. i did. then cried for lack of funds.

real post coming with:
-virginia: submerge show summary
-pickle park hangs with sarah and her crew
-gabe hangs
-laura dinner making skills + heather and lydia hang eat times
-twilight: eclipse review
-what my frantic, stressed out brain is dealing with

DEATHLY HALLOWS FTW.

2010-06-28T19:49:00.000-05:00

<a href="http://www.bing.com/videos/browse?mkt=en-us&from=sp&vid=f2822d1e-af61-45f5-b674-f3f697170e3d&from=en-us" target="_new" title="'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows' Trailer">Video: 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows' Trailer</a>

2010-06-27T12:11:00.000-05:00

There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of merit or sense.

Adelaide.

2010-06-23T18:36:00.005-05:00

Adelaide sat quietly on the balcony, watching the sun rise and the commuters set off on their daily plunge into the mundane.

The already heavy air was enclosing her already sopping-wet insides and squeezing them, until she felt she could heave her heart onto the cement platform at any minute.

The future.

It was a weighty notion that overwhelmed and consoled. Ideals were being purged, and reality was growing brighter and brighter just beyond the silver buildings across the freeway.

She lingered upon those ideals. They had made her feel awed and so lucky to have been chosen.

Who was she?

Several years of all that she had dreamed, built, and named was slipping away. Adelaide clung to it for a few more minutes. Holding its warmth, touching its corners, memorizing its form for one last time. And then she breathed it all away from her.

The reality stung upon new arrival, especially as it fully reached her from the horizon. A new, and slightly familiar face to characterize and comfort her. It made promises against the former, and undid the past with a vow for the now and the to-come. She had never been one to trust strangers.

But her ideals had told her that this one would be better, although a little painful at first, and without it she would not be able to continue.

She so wanted to continue.

Therefore, she scooped it up, carried it inside, and slowly began to swell with a love and a quiet understanding for the times that had led up unto this one.

i'll know my name as it's called again.

2010-06-22T13:01:00.000-05:00

the best part.

2010-06-16T12:54:00.002-05:00

Justin + endless sleep +Six Feet Under + Luce + Justin = The cure for all of my worries, problems, and negativity.

He is the cure.

i hate. i hate. I HATTTEEE.

2010-06-13T23:49:00.004-05:00

i currently, in this moment, hate the majority of people. if you are a stranger--you are safe. if you are one of the sane, compassionate, intelligent, aware humans in my circle of knowing--you are safe. everyone else?

i hate. i hate. I HATTTEEE (copyrighted by some comedian i heard on one of tommy's cds or something from justin, commenting on the auto-spell function for phone texting).

i cannot tell you how EXCITED i am to be unemployed, just so i can sit in my room and type out all of my loathing into characters that vaguely resemble the momentarily-hated-upon and at the same time completely avoid most of human kind WHILE working in this room.

i am so very cheerful.

i am very aware.

p.s. thank you heather dagger for allowing me to blow your ear off with my vents and negativity. you are the truest of friends.

it's too early for proper capitalization.

2010-06-12T09:20:00.002-05:00

a week or so ago, justin wanted to head out to a show at the 7th street entry to see a band who had tweeted him to come. he was bringing tommy, and i last minute got a hold of heather. she agreed to come. i also had not seen my lovely cuz, casey, in quite some time, so i asked her too. she also agreed, and brought our cuz-in-law (and her bestie), jacquelyn. we also ran into kristin, who was working that night. short but lovely hangs happened. i love those girls.
in worse news, that night. most of the first ave stars were painted over. boo. if you remember, motion city soundtrack had just gotten theirs a few months ago. however, i hear it from inside sources that MCS still gets theirs back once the building is redone. i do hope so.

that weekend, heather and i had a date (since justin was/is out of town writing with miss jenny owen youngs). we went to a new blaine restaurant, the tavern, which surprised us in its veggie food options (especially for a blaine establishment, where most people here are hunters and all into the meat gig).

we then decided to get a drink, as both of us were free for the night, and we went downtown to try ::gasp:: NEW THINGS! we checked out a bar that heather had been to once, and it turned out to be relatively douche-free. saw derek and gremlin next door. overall it wasn't a complete bust!

a few days ago the bamboozle roadshow came to the cabooze. i wasn't planning on going, but when i received a text from a 4-year-friend-but-never-met-in-person-although-have-talked-for-many-years-via-our-mutual-friend-connection saying she was in town, i jumped at going to meet her. kat was more amazing in person than i even thought she was going to be. we decided we were in love pretty quickly. she was working for PETA on the tour, and i basically hung out with her the whole time, as i was not thoroughly interested in most of the bands playing (although it was fun to witness). saw a lot of friends, including: tiffers, gremlin, sara kiesling, heather s., tam, some of pat brown's friends that i never quite get their names to stick, bruce, etc... it is fun standing back and watching hoards of girls chase down the members of boys like girls and other young band members.

the highlight was seeing third eye blind, a band that holds nostalgic memories of teen-hood. and i also met someone from iceland, which was a first.

this week was my last week of work, as i am now officially laid off. it was a sad week, but all of the staff, kids, and families were so supportive and offered so many kind words. i am terrible with drawn-out goodbyes or public emotional scenes, but i did my best, and managed through the week with minimal tears and sadfaces.

my boss bought me, as a going away gift, a vegetarian cookbook, which i am SO excited about. i can cook a grilled cheese sandwich. that's about it. eek. so hopefully i can learn some life skills, and perhaps be able to cook justin a meal, like a real wifey does.

today is laura's bridal shower (i am so bad at these types of things), but it should be good times.

justin comes home on monday (eee!), and next weekend we are going to virginia to see tony and matt's old band play for a fundraiser for a drummer friend of theirs. i am VERY excited. and it will be a good cause to support.

that is all for now, loves!

2010-06-06T00:11:00.000-05:00

I stick to my guns; I am welded to my weaponry.

2010-06-04T23:17:00.005-05:00

It takes two to communicate.
I don't pity self-imposed pity.
There are no "must"s or "have to"s here. There are no binding contracts.
I have a long list of grievances and an even smaller capacity to care about them.
Silence to me is golden. I crave it. So if I have it, I don't question it.

Family Events in Photos.

2010-06-04T11:42:00.007-05:00

Cabin times (a few weekends ago):

Cousins.

Sisters (my aunt and mother).I was having an ugly-no-more-pictures kind of day.

Godmother and goddaughter.

GIRLS!

Memorial Day family dinner:

My favorite.

Attractiveness.

Tough guys.

My sister and her boy, Derek.

UGHHHH!

In hysterics over Justin's photo-taking skills.

72 days.

2010-06-03T23:11:00.002-05:00

I almost picked up this pen again--but felt too much to express.

Man's Search for Meaning

2010-06-03T15:18:00.003-05:00

      
It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life - daily and hourly. Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual.

Total Devastation.

2010-05-25T10:51:00.003-05:00

Hawaii Continued (a.k.a. My Man is Wonderful).

2010-05-25T10:17:00.009-05:00

Our View:

Our Room:Justin was going to go walking, so I made him take pictures...I want to live in this tree. Or at least swing from it. Outside our hotel.After seeing Iron Man 2, I wanted JP to climb inside of it and pose. He didn't.

Our breakfast joint. View of the ocean. Open air. Trees in the middle.

My beach time.

I was only out for about 40 minutes...

But man was I sunburnt that night.

Luckily Justin took care of me until I went to the doctor once I got home.

And thanks to my sister for driving me there, and using up the extra film in my camera.

They gave me a steroid shot for the swelling and pain meds.

Supermodels, out.

This is not a test.

2010-05-21T14:06:00.004-05:00

We are in Hawaii!

After roughly ten hours of travel, we made it securely to O'ahu.

Yesterday we walked eight to ten miles. Our destinations?

1) Starbucks (duh).

2) Hale (delicious microbiotic food).

3) Iron Man 2 (great for a sequel, but not as good as the first. My favorite parts were the Pepper/Natalie/Tony parts).

4) Back to the hotel.

If anyone says we didn't see all there is to see in Waikiki, they are WRONG.

My legs hurt.

This morning we ate breakfast, and are currently on computers connected to the continental United States and otherwise.

Here is one of the views from our hotel:
More later.

And now! For your viewing pleasure! The latest in modern technology and laser beams! What I spent the first wee hours of my 25th birthday doing!

TOTAL DEVASTATION - Farewell Continental

I am on the pretty camera side at the end with the mad laser pointing skills. Holla!

Quick and Dirty.

2010-05-16T15:41:00.002-05:00

Last, last, last weekend:

Went to my aunt's cabin with my aunt, mother, and cousin (Morgan). We almost died in a storm driving up to the cabin. We shopped a lot. Watched several movies. And majorly relaxed.

That following week/end:

Justin came home. A lot of TV shows and movies (Hal Hartley and Six Feet Under deliciousness).Went to see Somerset with the likes of Justin, Tommy, Bruce, Brittany, and Josh Cain.
Went to Matt's birthday dinner @ Famous Dave's in uptown. Lovely times.
Went to see BLNX with the likes of Justin, Shel, Ben, Tommy, Kari, Jim, Jared, etc... Tommy and I danced our little strobe light hearts out.

This week/end:

Watched a lot of Six Feet Under (love) and Weeds (all of season one within 12 hours. It's alright).
Had to work a work picnic on Saturday. Bleh.
I am not speaking unless spoken to, because no one really listens or wants to solve it anyway. I exist. I suppose ghosting it is good enough for this place.

Sorry I do not have the energy to write more. I just don't right now. Saying more would say too much. And at current, I do not have the heart to give any more of heart away.

In other news, this coming week:

Conan (probably)!
Getting hair done (hoorah!).
HAWAII!!!

Yes. I said Hawaii. A long weekend in the far-away galaxy of lovely weather and relaxation. Who is excited? Oh. This girl is excited. I cannot wait to lie around all day, eat, and read.

She did as she felt, and she felt a great deal.

2010-05-16T15:39:00.000-05:00

Sometimes you’ve got to be able to listen to yourself and be okay with no one else understanding.

"I respect and admire you." "Is that love?" "No, that's respect and admiration."

2010-05-10T14:28:00.004-05:00

Trust:
Oh Adrienne Shelly, how I love you.

Justin is obsessed with Hal Hartley movies, with their stylized acting but so-very-honest dialogue. I immediately fell in love with this gem a few seconds after he put it on.

The writing is SO. GOOD. Although the stylized acting seems very on the surface, generalized, and flat--it actually enhances the movies that much more.

The characters become "types" of people that you surely know, and because their words perfectly reflect the things we would or would want to say in situations. You also believe their "act" because you know they are giving all of the credit to those words vs. the acting, the content vs. the pretend emotion in front of the content that the actors could convince or could ruin for you.

Get it? If you don't, you just have to watch to understand.

On a bigger note... I want Adrienne Shelly's face. R.I.P., pretty lady.

Antichrist:Was really excited to see this movie. I knew it was going to be shocking, bizarre, arty, and so when we found it on Netflix for free, I was ecstatic.

Uh.

Disturbing.

I really liked the shamelessness of the movie. It didn't apologize for approaching a lot of "unthinkable" topics (which I will not go into for those who have not seen it yet). At the same time, I didn't feel like this film's only point was to gratuitously shock people. Did it make complete sense all the time? No. Did it have an interesting perspective, with deeper meanings and imagery? Yes.

I can dig that.

There was a really ridiculous part with a bloody fox.

However I really liked eerie-ness of the baby's feet thing (random detail that made me ill thinking about it), the slow demise of "she" into insanity (as shown in the journals), and how the film journeyed to the out-most scary territory of what a human is capable of.

I recommend this. It will haunt you for days.

Guilt.

2010-05-05T13:24:00.004-05:00

As you may or may not know, I have a guilt complex. I always have. I feel guilty and worried over the tiniest things I do or do not do. The best thing I have learned this week is in regard to coping with guilt.

Guilt and guilty feelings are two different things. Next time you are feeling "guilt," ask yourself: "Did I do something bad, wrong, mean, or illegal?" If the answer is yes, then it may be actual guilt, and you just have to make amends for it (i.e. go to jail, apologize, etc...).

If the answer is no, then those are only guilty feelings, and those feelings are on you. You can choose to continue feeling badly, or you can choose to not feel badly and let it go.

We all make mistakes.

Bad day? This always cheers me up.

2010-04-28T22:32:00.002-05:00

like, oh my god!

2010-04-28T18:38:00.001-05:00

i wish you were here.

2010-04-25T18:50:00.003-05:00

Even when he is on the other side of the country, when I least expect it but most need it, he makes my heart a flutter...

yum pt. 2.

2010-04-24T13:13:00.000-05:00

2010-04-24T13:09:00.002-05:00

Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside them they’ve all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.

All the pretty girls on a Saturday night.

2010-04-22T09:25:00.008-05:00

So this weekend was very good and very stressful.

On Friday my mother and I watched Lost in Austen, which was an English television movie special. It is about a modern woman who is in love with the novel Pride and Prejudice, and specifically Mr. Darcy. Sound like anyone you know? Anyway! She finds Elizabeth in her bathtub one night, and discovers there is a secret portal leading into Austen's world of Pride and Prejudice. I won't give any more away, but it is a hilarious and endearing romp through the clash of modern ways and tradition. If you are obsessed with P&P (Ppsst! Jessica!), then I recommend it as I would recommend the zombie version of the book. It gives you a slightly different take on things (although some things in the special were intentionally very different from the book, but it worked) and gives you more from your favorite characters. I enjoyed it.

On Saturday morning, me, my mother, my sister, and my aunt left for Winona, MN in my aunt's Escalade (smoooooth rides) for the Motion City Soundtrack show. The trip was fun, and we even invited our little guest Chippie Guts with us on the trip (a stuffed chipmunk that my aunt likes to talk to). That was interesting. We arrived and my family dropped me off at the field house while they went to check into their hotel. I walked in just in time for sound check. Know what I got to hear a lot of? Nine Inch Nail covers! HOLY CATS! They are kicking those covers' asses! I am very impressed that MCS is pulling of NIN so well. Was very fun to hear it done. Then I swooped in, grabbed JP, and we headed to the hotel to get some much-needed food and watched a really good movie on HBO (although we never found out the title of it).

We then met up with my family, who was at the bar (yikes). And although my mother was keeping it together, my aunt and my sister were having a grand time laughing hysterically. We ended up getting a cab to head over to the show. They laughed the whole ride there... Poor, innocent cab driver. Unfortunately, he was the one who ended up picking them up at the end of the night too! But, really. They were a blast! Justin headed to his bus, because he was in so much back/throat pain. And we ended up running into 1] Matt (good college buddy) and his friend Bruce and 2] Schey [fun. guitarist] and Tony. My mom gave a huge hug to Schey, since it was the first time meeting him after years of me mentioning him. It was nice talks. And then it was time for me and my mom to go into the show to see fun. play (after a beer with Matt and Bruce at their cars), and time for my aunt and sister to go back to the bar.

The show was good for a college show. People seemed really into MCS, as usual. We met up with Brittany, Tommy, and Jared inside and we sang and did the "awkward/robot/weirdo" dance to all of the songs. I was tense the whole time worried for Justin, who was doing a wonderful job of hiding his pain. My mom was worried about my aunt and my sister. And my aunt and my sister were oblivious to anything except dancing and singing (which was good and the point, right?)!

Afterward I hopped on the bus to find a practically disabled Justin. Sadface. He eventually went out to say hi to people, and I hung out to talk with Tiffers, Claudio, Collin, and Jesse. Eventually I called a cab, and we headed back to the hotel. Justin was still dying. But we ordered food. Watched It's Always Sunny... but eventually he had to leave for his bus by 2AM. Bummer.

In any event, it was a great day/night. So many friends, great family who supports my boyfriend and myself, and much needed boy time.

We left and hurried back to the suburbs, where Heather's son, Whitney, was having his 1st birthday party! It was such a great party. So much food and such great decorations. It was at a park and the weather was gloriooouuuss! Whitney was a little ham, per usual, and was the perfect center of attention. Guest included, me, Heather's family, Lydia, Laura, Lin (in from Florida, woo!), Mike (the great videographer), Larissa (who I missed), Amy, Dan (who napped for half of it), and Jojo (adorable little girl). Was very good, and little Whitwhit is so loved and spoiled (in the best way possible)!

The next night my sister had to go to the hospital because she was found on the group unconscious for a few minutes in Mankato. YIKES. My mom was on her way down there when my sister called her and told her she was going to be okay. Apparently she was put on some type of blood pressure medicine that afternoon and it messed with her system. SO. SCARY.

This weekend it is supposed to rain, and I am TERRIBLY behind on my 52-books-in-a-year. So my goal is to read three books this weekend, three next weekend, and get back on track! Next weekend I am going up to my aunt's cabin with the girls, so it should be possible.

I also just found out that in May I will be taking a vacatttiiiooonnn! Details are set but not all set just yet. Haha. So I will divulge more in the future. Let's just say, I CANNOT WAIT.

MCS in Winona, MN.

2010-04-19T13:39:00.006-05:00

Justin wanted to do the sad face, but my sister took it instead.
Pre-game shots with the sister and aunt.
Me and the sister.

Me and the mother.Sister, mom, and myself. Rodzina!

MCS!

Tommy posing with me and Brittany.

The ones who went to a lot of bars pre-show.Matt, Bruce, and myself post-show sweat.

"Maybe…you’ll fall in love with me all over again."

2010-04-16T15:01:00.002-05:00

“Hell,” I said, “I love you enough now. What do you want to do? Ruin me?”
“Yes. I want to ruin you.”
“Good,” I said. “That’s what I want too."

Looking forward to:

2010-04-15T19:22:00.003-05:00

Roadtrip to Winona, MN on Saturday to see MCS again with my mom, aunt, and sister. Times seeing the boyfriend and spending some deluxe quality hours (I am spoiled this tour).

Heather's Whitwhit's one year birthday party on Sunday. I think I found some perfect presents for the little tiger. <3

Desiderata.

2010-04-10T21:05:00.000-05:00

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Perfect teeth.

2010-04-07T22:54:00.005-05:00

Blogging is hard work when you are trying to find time to:

Spend with friends

Gabe and I watching the new The Weakerthans live DVD at his house and pretty much crying through it + porch night talks and beers + novel talks with his bandmates

And the boyfriend while he is in town

Think: Lots of pizza for every meal
Think: A LOT of Arrested Development (Marry me!)
Trying to make him feel better while he was in so much pain

Running around to two Easters

Jaminski: Chill hangout with lovely family and delicious food (cheesy potatoes) involved + Easter baskets for me and Justin
Pierre: Easter egg hunt (Justin is QUITE competitive) + food (french silk!) + the treat of hearing Justin's Dr. Seuss narration

Going up to Duluth to see the MCS show

"Music School" on the way up with Justin (Think: Unrest, The Jesus and Mary Chain, Promise Ring, and Farewell Continental)
Early hangs with the guys: Soundcheck, Caribou, Green Mill, porch hangs with some old friends in other bands, bus laughs and stories
Long line waited in by my devoted friends
A LOT OF YELLOW
Massive encore dancing for the hell of it (Really, dancing the whole time)
A long and painfully dark and lonely drive home (Never again)

Watching delicious television things (All rated excellent)

Alice (Thanks Heather)
Moonlight (Thanks Heather)
The whole series of Arrested Development

And looking for a job.

Forgive me.

One day I will have words for you.

The farther away it seems you get.

2010-03-30T09:47:00.001-05:00

I really need to see his face soon. The next few days cannot come quickly enough.

Night Windows.

2010-03-28T19:43:00.001-05:00

Glancing up at where you lived when you lived here. I see you suddenly alive and nearly smiling. Stop and hold my breath and watch the way you used to be. The full moon makes our faces shine, like over-ironed polyester, then disappears behind the clouds.

Leaves me under empty rows of night windows.