Penchants and Practice.

When I was young I fought against fairytale expectations and romantic movie expositions. I was determined to experience, but knew that I was unlike the heroines. I had heart, and I had backbone, but I lacked the silver tongue and the perfectly manicured talons to entrap.

Later, I took pleasure and comfort in Dostoevsky and the promise of his words--Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men must, I think, have great sadness on earth. So I bathed in pain, in sadness, and let it form me--letting it sink its roots into me. I cultivated my greatness in the lack of what I had. And after that I never took a single wet eye for granted, and naturally I was sought out by those that would instruct further than Fyodor could.

One taught me that I could be loved. Two taught me to never fall in love with someone just because they show you love. Three showed me that there are conditions to affection. Four ignored me. Five only cared for me. Six hated me. Seven and Eight should have taken Two's advice. And Nine reminded me to make sure I had others around me to remind myself of who I really was, because losing yourself is the surest way to lose everything else around you.

Love is a dangerous angel, and trust is its gilded winged counterpart.

I now love with a very deep heart, but trust with a large intelligence--knowing that trust can bind or blind, and no one can ever see through the layers of heart and hurt to predict whether the one you trust can trust themselves.

The best we can do is have a cautious, well-natured hope for the future, and a penchant for both lucky endings and new beginnings.

Please believe that things are good with me, and even when they’re not, they will be soon enough. And I will always believe the same about you.

tested & true. best of my decade.

Get Your Own Free Hypster.com Playlist.

Everytime it rains she just feels a lot better.

Virginia: Submerge Reunion ShowBefore Justin left for Warped Tour, I was treated to the experience that was the Submerge Reunion Show, a benefit for the guys' friend who had a stroke. It was a whirlwind trip! We traveled all the way to Virginia for only one day to see the show, as Justin was SUPER excited to see Matt and Tony's old band play once more. He made me listen to the whole CD on the plane ride there. I dug it. We landed, checked into the hotel, and set off for dinner. We landed at this upstairs-Italian food joint. The wait was long, and we feared we would miss the show, but luckily we got seated and scarfed right in time. Afterward we went to the venue, and JP introduced me to all of the old "scene" in which they started off with. We also hung out with Tony and Matt's families, who are ALWAYS such a joy to be around. Their parents are so like them, obviously. But it is always fun to see where people come from. I also officially met Jessica, a MCS fan, who drove hours to catch the show. Dedication, I tell ya!!! I love it! Her and her husband were lovely show-watching companions.

First a band called Sau started. It was fronted by Jack's Mannequin's bassist, Doctor J--who is the most hilarious man. His energy was fun to watch, and I actually loved the music. It was metal-y with a full horn section. What!? Yeah.

Then Submerge came on. Justin was practically jumping in joy. It was fun to watch him so excited for the guys. And let me tell you, they KILLED it! I had never seen them so close and from the very front. Wow. I thought Tony was going to break the drums, he was a machine!!! And Matt's bass skills and vocals were flawless. It was delicious! And I recognized some songs from listening a few hours earlier.

The next day Justin and I went to breakfast at a French-type of place, where both the manager and our server commented on how much they loved MCS (so cute). And then we hung out with Matt and Kristen. The two, since it is their hometown of sorts, showed us around. We all visited the local record store, but Kristen ended up saving me from boredom and she brought me to a really radical clothing store (where I would have bought everything save for the prices hindering my wallet opening) and a really funky toy shop of sorts. The guys met up with us there and we lingered looking at strange objects for a while. Then we visited a coffee shop. Chatted. Ate a lot of bakery goods. And eventually said our goodbyes. It was the first time Kristen and I had really ever talked, and I fell in love. She is so unique and has so many quirky and interesting hobbies--which I really envy. I was so glad that they took time out of their day to hang out with us.

Overall, WONDERFUL adventure. I love adventures.

Pickle Park: Hangs with Sarah (and her girls)
Sarah, lovely woman that she is, invited me out with her friends to Pickle Park a few Thursdays ago. I had such a good time with her. We talked all night (toward the end I don't quite remember what about), but Double was bartending that night, and of course he treated us to the perfect drink concoctions. Needless to say, my sister was there with her friends that night too and she had to drive me home. Eep! I spend nearly two days recovering, and I cringe at how annoying I must have been. But Sarah is a trooper!!! The picture below... Well. It was the end of the night. My eyes say it all. Sober... Right? Er. No.

(my head appears much smaller due to proximity. i assure you our heads are the same size.)

Gabe hangs

Gabe and I hadn't hung out in ages, so he invited me down to Uptown to see his new house, and MAN do I love it! He is a lucky, tasteful man to have scored such a lovely place. We then went for drinks and apps, chatted, etc... And then found him a kitchen thing. And I went home. He is going to help me get motivation for writing. I love Gabbers.

Laura's House: Vegetarian Cuisine a la Chef Laura (with Guests)

Laura invited us girls, including Heather and Lydia, over to her new house for dinner. Laura is a SPECTACULAR cook. And she made us a vegetarian feast! Black bean burgers with guac and salsa, avocado and citrus salad, and a pasta-type of mixture with sweet potatoes. And finally... CHOCOLATE BROWNIES! Heather also brought wine. YUM! I was stuffed for days. I need to learn some skills from Laura. She is a master at food. And everyone knows that this girl loves food!

Twilight: Eclipse (my review, minimal spoilers)

So I have now seen Eclipse twice. The first time alone, and the second time today with the girls. My review remains the same.

I thought it was 10x better than the previous two.

I think the director and cast must have seen how awful the acting and scenes were especially in the last movie and worked to improve.

From the moment the movie started, I felt the acting (especially for the painfully awkward duo of Robert and Kristen) was much more believable and easy. The romantic scenes were not so cringe-worthy, and the movie was funny where it was SUPPOSED to be funny. I actually laughed out loud in several parts, as did the rest of the theater.

The appearance of the film was better as well. The vampires' eyes must have been CGIed, because they looked FAR less contact-y than the previous films. The vampires' skin also looked less caked on, and far more attractive than the last movie. The colors, especially during the wolf scenes, made everything look more realistic than previous.

There was also enough action balanced with enough romance for this movie. Where as the last was overly dramatic and romantic (which isn't bad, but was bad with how horrible the actors were at doing it).

The only thing I didn't like about the movie was the change of actress for Victoria. I preferred the first woman. The new woman is fine, but she just doesn't quite fit for me. oh well.

Overall: If you at all have interest in the Twilight Saga, you will love this movie.

A Lesson in: Stress (Also see: Overwhelming fear and lulls)

Lately I waver between stress, fear, and contentment when it comes to my current unemployment situation. I am unsure of what I WANT to do. I am unsure of what I SHOULD do. And I don't even know where to start. Do I nanny for a while? Do I find a non-profit? Do I pursue writing/editing? Do I pursue promotions to get into the music/event scene? I have a lot of great traveling opportunities approaching in the near future, and I am unsure of what I could do to compliment those vacation days. I will never get a chance like this again, probably, to have more freedom. But I also feel like I should be working right now. I am lost. I am currently scouring the internet and going on informational interviews to find ideas for careers. Eesh.

Preview: Taste of Minnesota (more to come when Heather gets pics up)

It seems to me now that the plain state of being human is dramatic enough for anyone; you don’t need to be a heroin addict or a performance poet to experience extremity. You just have to love someone.

What I have lived for.

Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind. These passions, like great winds, have blown me hither and thither, in a wayward course, over a deep ocean of anguish, reaching to the very verge of despair. I have sought love, first, because it brings ecstasy—ecstasy so great that I would often have sacrificed all the rest of life for a few hours of this joy. I have sought it, next, because it relieves loneliness—that terrible loneliness in which one shivering consciousness looks over the rim of the world into the cold unfathomable lifeless abyss. I have sought it, finally, because in the union of love I have seen, in a mystic miniature, the prefiguring vision of the heaven that saints and poets have imagined. This is what I sought, and though it might seem too good for human life, this is what—at last—I have found. With equal passion I have sought knowledge. I have wished to understand the hearts of men. I have wished to know why the stars shine. And I have tried to apprehend the Pythagorean power by which number holds sway above the flux. A little of this, but not much, I have achieved. Love and knowledge, so far as they were possible, led upward toward the heavens. But always pity brought me back to earth. Echoes of cries of pain reverberate in my heart. Children in famine, victims tortured by oppressors, helpless old people a hated burden to their sons, and the whole world of loneliness, poverty, and pain make a mockery of what human life should be. I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot, and I too suffer. This has been my life. I have found it worth living, and would gladly live it again if the chance were offered me.

man, if i had 30 dollars...

threadless.com is having a $10 sale again. go fall in love. i did. then cried for lack of funds.

real post coming with:
-virginia: submerge show summary
-pickle park hangs with sarah and her crew
-gabe hangs
-laura dinner making skills + heather and lydia hang eat times
-twilight: eclipse review
-what my frantic, stressed out brain is dealing with