They say the last heat of the summer is upon us - that the last humid night is here. It startles me, as I have not even seemed to witness the season begin. This one has passed quietly, as the last one felt to last months into the frigid winter.
I feel a year older, but I also feel much more lost. There are less people around than before, but I am better loved. I forget if I needed silence then, but I crave it now. I know I feel the wrongs of people more now, but I also love those people despite and for those faults more dearly. I held on more then - a foolish hold. Now I am learning to let go - wisely. I laugh more, I love more, and I worry more - but I trust less, I dream less, and I remember less. I have less hope in the future than I did, but I still have faith in it. And I wait more.
I wait for a magnificent action. I wait for those words to come. I wait for the time where I will begin to forget. Any of those three would make breathing easier. Easier, however, is not a word we use to describe our growing years.
I want to stretch out all of my moments in life like a wheel of film, examining all of the corners to find the things I have overlooked. I want to paste bits of memories up like wallpaper in my room. I want to lie underneath fireworks forever and pretend it was like this.
This year was a strange time for children like us. And although a part of me imagines having jumped off of the landscape of Silverlake in those few weeks in the beginning, a part of me wishes I had stayed perched on top of it - waiting for years.
2 comments:
"And although a part of me imagines having jumped off of the landscape of Silverlake in those few weeks in the beginning, a part of me wishes I had stayed perched on top of it - waiting for years."
Love it.
aw thank you. i have had that line in my head for literally weeks. i just needed to get it out. i will probably write an actual story with it in it soon. haha. yay!!!
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