i have the best friends in the entire universe.

what a weekend! i will relay all that i can remember happening since last update.

on friday i went to dinner with miss amy to catch up after weeks of not seeing her. she has to be the cutest pregnant chic on the face of this earth! it is so insane to have the first of our friends having a baby, just knowing that the baby is half one friend and half the other. we all cannot wait to be in the waiting room on the day she delivers. that hospital is going to be a circus with us there, but that little girl is going to have the most excited and loving pseudo aunts and uncles welcoming her into the world! it was so good catching up with amy, and although we sometimes go a few weeks without much contact, it is always so refreshing to sit down and chat with her.

saturday was a big night in local minneapolis music, and it felt like everyone who was anyone in the scene knew it too. first us girls went to first ave for this world fair's last show together [tear]. right away we ran into mike minehart [photographer extraordinaire], the twf boys, my parents [aw], gabe, and the roster mccabe guys. the show grew more and more crowded as the night went on, but us girls [and jestin] made sure to stand right at the front. after four+ years of watching the guys grow as a musicians and people it was really strange to see it all end [as we know it] that night. they played ten songs [a nice fill], and we danced and sang madly. my mother even joined us for a few songs up front [her old groupie days coming to the surface]. it was a blast, and amazingly we did not feel the eyes of a thousand glaring biotches on us. so that was pleasant. we then mingled for a bit, grabbed some foods, drank some jag in the bathroom [thanks heather], finagled kalgren for free pressed cds of their new album [because we had bought burned copies previously]. what really surprised me during the night was the liner notes of the pressed cd. kalgren pressed it for himself [without thank yous etc... from the other guys, as he is carrying on the band and its name solo now], and amazingly i was in the thank yous with an indication to what song is about me. not in all my years of knowing musicians have i ever known one to admit who songs were about, let alone publically announce. i was very flattered and grateful, and plus, the song is beautiful. sad, but beautiful.

then most of the avid twf fans ran over to the fineline to see my boys white light riot, who were playing with the alarmists, these modern socks, and mercurial rage. we arrived and gremlin let us in without cover charge [i love that man!] and we immediately were greeted by a wonderful sight, the camel girl. we proceeded to get two buy one get one coupons, a drink ticket, a poster, a photobooth ticket, a sweet bling bling lighter [thanks to lydia for trading me colors], and three dollar cigs. uh. can life get any better!? the patio was all decorated with a fountain, palm trees, tables, and chairs, which made me a very happy camper to be a smoker. all of us girls took some photobooth pictures. we also took some with jestin, and later the blark boys showed up [steven, mo, murphy] and we took some pictures with them as well. a bunch of 50records people were at the show, which always brightens my day. and as white light riot took the stage, i felt that the night could not possibly get any better. of course we were all at the front of the stage dancing once again. it seems that we never can remain sober throughout a wlr show, but maybe the high from such a great show just makes us feel more tipsy than we actually are.

after that chaos we ran over to the chambers hotel's red white and fucking blue bar on the 5th floor for the twf afterparty. the bar is very new york and very trendy. lucking heather and i did not have to buy any of their expensive drinks, because we had jag to support us. ha. we hung out for a bit, had some heart to hearts with some of our guys, and eventually decided that there was not much more to be had in that crowded place. it was not bad, however.

heather and i said goodbye to lyds and jestin and went home to some mcdonalds and some shawn harris love [listening to the matches], which topped our night off splendidly [except for heather getting re-sick after finally eating something, oops].

waking up "early" for blark softball the next day was ridiculous. i woke up at noon and called amy to make sure everything was still on for the day [as half of the group was out late drinking, and i was unsure if we would all wake and make it to dan and amy's house on time, if at all]. amy confirmed it was still on, and the boys were on their way. i scrambled. lydia was on her way. heather was too sick to come out [boo]. we all met at dan and amy's and ended up spending an hour calling everyone we knew to get together two full teams [dan was rewarding people who called other people with shots of jag]. needless to say, we found enough people. the following events prove to me how much i adore my friends and how much i truly miss them when i am not with them. if you are not aware, "blark" is a "city" that my whole group belongs to. it is a name combo of the few surrounding cities that we often cause trouble in. this group had been around in some form for many many years, but we are all a crazy family that ends up having the wildest adventures. any way, we [dan, amy, mo, murphy, me, lydia, my sister katie, her friend kelsey, steven, kelly, ashley, dave, some of ambers friends, derek, and gremlin] trekked over to the fields and proceeded to play softball for three hours. most of us had bets on how long we would actually keep the game going, as we tend to fall into drunken crazy fests often, but we played a solid game the entire time. i scored at least three home runs and hit the balls fairly well. my team lost, but between all of the men on the other team and the taunting that was directed at me while i was hitting [i was voted MPO--"most picked on"] it is no wonder why we got behind. we all took team photos, a group photo, and made a ten person pyramid for a photo. in. sanity. we all then went back to the house and dan [and murphy a bit] grilled all of us some wondrous hotdogs. lydia provided chips. i provided a vat of potato salad. brilliant. being that all of us are chain smoking, alcoholic, never exercisers, we were all dying for the rest of the day. no one could move, and so we ended up lying around watching the goonies, which i had never seen before. mo also showed us the new readygoes' video for "hey oh" from a secret link. holy. crap. it is amaziinnnggg. i cannot wait for it to be released. those boys look so good in the video! i am hella proud! eventually we called it a night, but it was honestly one of the best days i had had in a very long time. the group of us has a hard time getting together under drama-free conditions due to some dynamics between outside people and us. difficult and unnecessary to explain, but all i am concerned about is that we all had a chance to remember what great friendships we have together, and what fun we can all have without going to a downtown bar and getting wasted. my friends are like family. no matter what new people i meet along the way, my blark friends are my favorite. they absolutely lift my spirits. i love them all, even in our ridiculousness.

now i am going to try and get back to sleep, as jen's text about her hanging out with airin [sugarcult] woke me up. how i miss that boy.

pictures from this weekend will come in a separate post! keep checking!

so many things, so little motivation.

sooo. i am not sure if i related that i hung out with kalgren a few days ago. i forget. it was truly great to finally be able to hang together without weirdness or tension. he probably knows me the best out of any guy i am currently friends with. although we butt heads and fight often [although much less than previous years], we only love each other more because of it. i realize that i actually appreciate him caring enough to fight with me. does that sound sadistic? haha. i just mean that when i am emotionally vomiting on him he cares enough to explain his side of things. that means something. it really does. lately i have known a few people who use avoidance tactics, and although avoiding the conflict may prevent escalation, i still expect people to care enough about our relationship to brave the bullets and throw some back. it makes me feel like the relationship matters, and is even worth fighting to resolve an issue and make me understand them. does that make sense??? not sure. it does to me. anyway. drinks with ck was wonderful. i love that man, and i am confident that we will be prideful bastards together for many more years to come.

on friday i went to 50 records party at deb's lovely mansion. haha. the party was to thank all of the interns who worked so hard at sxsw [yes we did, but it was so worth every effort]. everyone ended up showing up [that was apart of the crazy trip] and it was so much fun hanging and joking like we did back in the day. sigh. haha. i missed angie like crazy, and had not seen her in months, so that was my highlight. white light riot also played an acoustic set for everyone, which was beautiful and really proved the vocal talent of mike. miss jackie pierre, however, stood me up for our date, as she had to do hours for her high school or something. haha. i forgive, i forgive. i just wanted to make her feel comfortable with the staff. needless to say, we all drank a lot of beer and wine and eventually we all headed over to gabe's house to watch "gavin degraw's playlist" that we made fun of for sport. we then headed over to the u otter stop in bar to sing some karaoke. instead of officially singing, i housed in the back of the bar with the white light riot boys and gabe. we decided to sing very loud, obnoxious, and dramatic versions of whatever was being sung [hand motions and group dance included]. meanwhile, the table in front of us kept taking phone pictures of joe from wlr and were whispering amongst themselves. they must have thought that he was famous because at one point one of the women came up to us and asked us all what we did for day jobs. this was the convo:

me: well i work for their record company [points to the boys].
joe: oh well. i shouldnt say.
gabe: well actually we are from brooklyn and on tour here in
minneapolis right now.
[note that none of us are even attempting to have
brooklyn accents]
woman: oh really??? wow... yeah. i have never been to new
york, i am from minnesota here.
me: really? oh. you should come out there sometime. but
minnesota so far is really cool!
gabe: oh! look who it is...
[tim walks by and gabe grabs him]
gabe: this is jeffery! he is letting us stay at his house for free tonight. isnt that so awesome of him? we cant believe it.
[tim looks confused but we eye threaten him to play along
and he catches on and smiles and nods]

at this point i do not remember the rest of the night. i do remember that i left with tor, angie, and tim to get some mcds. angie was absolutely true to character and had to go around a second time because in her absent-mindedness failed to mention that she wanted fries.

me: what size fry do you want?
angie: i want... uh... sma...me...i need barbecue sauce!
[later]
angie: i didnt get any fries??? i ordered them!
tor: no you didnt.
me: yeah. you ordered barbecue sauce instead.
angie: go around again. i need a fry... and a mcchicken... and more sauces.

the night was a beautiful hot mess. we were all not sober except for tor, who drove us around, and who we have to thank for making the night possible! haha.

this week has been another week of sleeping in late and doing very little. i have done laundry. i did have a site leader meeting today for summer plans [i am pumped]. heather, lyds, and i also all hung out early this week and went to the nathan miller band show at tiffs in saint paul. we were looking for something to do, and as there is a lack of things to do, we decided on that. not that we wouldnt go normally, but we normally would not venture to lame saint paul for adventures. boo. we met at lydia's house first. i met her mother and younger sister. aw. and then h, l, and i watched factory girl, which absolutely captivated me. who knew that andy warhol was such a douchebag? man alive. after the movie we all felt like we were on drugs. insanity. and wandered over to tiffs where we met up with george and the boys. watched the show. drank the snuck in jag [oh my] and danced our little hearts out [duh]. then i wandered mid-show over to jimmy johns alone to eat. sometimes i just get these intense food cravings that i cannot help, and my mind is so fixated that i cannot let the idea go. when i came back some florida boys approached us. one of them seemed like he had music scene potential, but he was new and had no idea of what the city offered for music. really nice guy, but as soon as he said he was a gemini i walked away. haha. i am doing my best to avoid the curse of the gemini as much as i can! lucking eckum came over and stole us away to the backstage area where we hung with our boys. haha. i think they were a little worried about other men taking over their girls. we then all went to the studio where quietdrive is currently recording to listen to the new readygoes single "hey oh." finaaalllyyyy they found a way to capture their big sound on record. they put on an energetic and talented live show, but their demo lacked a lot of luster. i am proud of them. sounded great. eventually we all [well most, haha] went home to sleep land.

us three girls then went to the sex and the city movie on monday afternoon. so good. you just have to go in expecting that it will be a long episode, and you cannot be too disappointed. i dug it. upon walking out of the theater we felt better about being single in our early 20s. so thank you movie for that. then we all carted off to barnes and noble to read books [mostly horoscope books with compatibility etc...]. we had no idea but we ended up staying in there for almost three hours. what a perfect rainy monday spent with great girls doing girlish things. love love love them. at barnes and noble i bought the virgin suicides. i already read it and am somewhat disappointed by it. i had already seen the movie. meh. i also bought tarot cards which i have since learned the basics, and the readings i have done thus far are crrazzzyy right. i think they will also come in good use for a party trick, as i always end up counseling people on their horoscope charts at parties anyway. as lydia told me i should do, "two dolla for a reading." i can rake in the moola.

i also went to drinks with zac the other day. we had not hung out since grumpy's. we caught up, drank, etc... not bad. not bad. although i think him and i are very very different in how we view fellow human beings.

i have started writing a novel again. i have recently been inspired, especially after reading some articles in writer's digest. so we will see if that comes to product.

arg. anyway. thats all for now. had to catch ya up on all of the boring and interesting happenings. more later.

p.s. i think it is rainy outside. this news makes me so very happy to sleep to.

the best parts of lonely.

lately my life has been good but somewhat uneventful.

i have had to ditch out on a few concerts with the girls because i have had so much to and no extra energy to do anything else. i feel bad about not partaking, but it is in my better interest to rest up and make sure i graduate in may.

speaking of may, 202 plans to throw a party for us girls who are graduating. should be good times.

this weekend is a show on friday with lyds and heather. the effects show is on saturday (a band that us 50 people became very close with at sxsw), and white light riot is also playing with my boys the spill canvas the same night. maybe there is a way to catch the effects, and then hang out with the spill boys afterward. i ditched nick last time he was in town, so i need to see him this time. speaking of tsc, jen hung out with them in LA and said 'hi' for me. aw. her and i have good times with her tolerating my craziness at shows.

i am also hanging out with this guy zac on sunday. we are going to have cocktails and talk, i think. should be good. of course he is a gemini. but him and i already worked through that issue, haha.

i also am so in love with my internship. i didn't go for a month after sxsw. i just had far too much on my plate. but going back was like i had never missed. annamarie and i talked for an hour about funny stories and how she knows the honorary title, etc... i just love that place. i will be sad if and when i have to depart. i still want to be a part of everything that i going on there.

that's about it.

ciao, babies!

youth is like diamonds in the sun // and diamonds are forever

one of the best weekends i have had in a very very long time.

thursday:

varsity for weaver at the loom and this world fair. was a very good night. went with heather dagger and lydia slayer, which is always a great time. saw mo and cherise. ran into mike minehart and had some good talks about the future of music. then ran into luke outside. met some of zack's friends. bought twf's new full length cd, which i am hopelessly in love with. those boys are talented. rocked out front row to twf (with the help of some wine). and left in very high spirits.


saturday:

fineline for white light riot. it seemed like everyone was there. 50records people (who i have missed terribly since living with them at sxsw), the alarmists, mo, cherise, steven, derek, ck, george, tyler, gabe, natasha, dave, producer jason, mike minehart, etc... the whole show was golden, but of course i was mainly looking forward to rocking out to white light riot. again, with the help of some wine we stood in front and danced and sang our little hearts out. what i love about wlr is their ability to put on a show where everyone feels the need to just groove it out. so many people dancing, and no one judging anyone. at shows like twf i feel like people are staring daggers into us if we dance, but at wlr every single person was expected to be dancing. ha. it was so enjoyable. later, lydia slayer brought me and jen together. she has now left to live in LA, and that night was one of her last nights in town. we had not spoken for months and months, but it was really really good to talk things out a little bit and let go of the weight of grudge. yes. we ended up bawling. go figure, huh? it was slightly amusing as well, because all of our band boys kept walking by shaking their heads, and later george asked heather "so all it took was someone to bring jen over and you guys say hi, and everyone is crying and okay?" yes george, it is. it was a very good thing. and i am very glad it happened. i also wish jen well in LA.

sunday:

fineline for the honorary title. the show i had been looking forward to all week. i had recently found out that mike schey (formally the guitarist for the format) was now playing in that band, which heather and i had already planned on seeing. it was absolutely amazing to be able to hug my schey again after so long, and be able to hang out. they killed the show and afterward we went to luce for a slice and then all hung out at brothers for dollar drinks. not crowded. and not bad. the night went on for hours. it was one of those strange strange nights, that were made perfect in the company with you. i am omitting many details, but it was a needed hang. those guys are all quality, and it was refreshing to meet new people. people who have hearts and wit and something of substance. magic, man. pure magic.

you don't love me; you can't love what i dont show.

so i stayed up all night writing a ten-page paper which was due this morning. luckily, i did get it finished. don't i always. brian and i would call each other periodically to update the status of our progress and coach each other through writing. we have done this since freshman year. we are pretty much rockstars at procrastination. i have been talking to him almost every day, and i am grateful to have such a good guy friend to share anxieties with. no matter the time in between talking, we always reconnect as if we never stopped talking. i am going to write a book full of little motivational phrases for him, like, "it's okay, in the morning you will feel like all of this hell was worth it."

i forgot to mention that on thursday of last week mr. pierre and i had some hang time. i admit i was a bit tipsy and attempted to push him over in his chair, but after twenty minutes of snarkiness on my part we were back on track. we ended up going to uptown to see the movie "in brouge" (i believe that's how it's spelt?). i really recommend it. It is about two hit men who talk about life and their concerns while hiding out in belgium. you end up loving both of the hit men in the end. it had its emotional part, its emotional parts, and very gruesome parts. there is a "splat" scene, which could be the most grotesque part in a film i have ever seen. side note: justin (in quintessential justin form) bought some little cheeses to eat during the movie. popcorn? who does popcorn anymore... obviously not him. it was interesting to see him after so long, and no one got hurt. so overall i suppose it wasn't bad. haha.

easter went well. i adore my family. adore. i have been blessed with an accepting and witty group of extended relatives. i have never once dreaded a family get-together. both sides of my family get along so well and have always offered so much love and support to me. my mother--er--the easter bunny gave me and my sister easter basket, per usual. chocolate never hurt anyone.

for my family birthday dinner, my family and i went to tanner's. delicious. i saw tasha, whom i hadn't seen since she moved to D.C., but apparently she is back in minnesota now. love that girl.

well the rest of the week is going to be exciting. i am absolutely stoked. tonight is the weaver at the loom & this world fair show at the varsity. ck told me a surprise that is happening there tonight, and it is AMAZING. everyone needs to go so that they can benefit from this surprise. it alone makes me excited to go tonight. saturday is the white light riot show at the fineline, and sunday is the honorary title show at the fineline as well. apparently i will be living at the fineline this weekend. so come on over, hang out, and if you cannot find me, i may be sleeping underneath the bar. so many shows. just what i need. and so many great people to hang out with in the meantime. tonight i get to see all of the 50records people that i have missed so much since my return from sxsw. i also get to hang with my girls heath and lyds. and sara k. will be at the show as well (who i will insist that twf use for a promo shoot). saturday will include a lot of the same people, and sunday will include the girls and someone who i have not seen in about six months. i cannot cannot cannot wait to catch up.

i will leave you with this closing thought (as i attempt to not hot-poker my eyes out):

i do not know how to perfectly walk a tightrope, but you don't see me joining the circus. therefore, do not be surprised if i am completely disgusted with you as you flail around above me.

confused? i hope so.