if i were you, babe, i'd be thinking of me.

crazy weekend, once again. getting it in while the summer lasts! friday i went out to the fineline to see shoreline and oh crap mo is back and he brought friends. mo's music is the stuff that got me into seeing shows at all. steven knew him before i did, and without steven's guidance i would never have been so involved, as i am now, in the local and national music scene. mo's music, regardless, is my favorite stuff and brings back memories galore. that night was a blast from the past because all of the "safetown" bands were playing. safetown was a house i used to go to every weekend when i was 19-21 years old. there was always a massive party raging on the weekend days, and you did not even need to call to know it was going on. all of us would gather and drink massive amounts of yag, smoke many cigarettes, have dance parties, and stay up until 6am (after crashing on the floors and couches). that place taught me how to live, how to drink, how to laugh, how to smoke. ha. it was an ideal few years. since then the group has splintered into several smaller groups. we hardly ever all come together in full, but friday we did, and afterward went to nick's place in maple grove to relive the "chode buster deluxe" experiences. chode buster deluxes are traditional for safetown, and include taking a shot of captain, a squirt of maple syrup and a spray of water in the face. pictures included.

sam.
amber.

that night i had some amazing talks with amber, who was someone from safetown who i looked up to a lot. she was always gracious, confident, sort of intimidating, and gorgeous. i miss her a lot, as do many of us. and it was very good to catch up and finally be able to talk as more mature women a few years out of our crazy times together.

saturday my parents and i went to river falls to move all of my things back to blaine. ugh. i hate moving. but i love having my real bed again. mmm. after moving i went out with heather to hang with her new friend ryan, who is adorable and very sweet. i am so happy she found such a rad guy to hang with. someone new. someone good. we all went to sushi, and then bar hopped in uptown and minneapolis. his friends were great people (always nice) and we all partied at chinos, the drink (bleh), williams (double bleh), and the 508 bar. along the way i saw dylan, tehas and his roommate, and mike minehart ended up meeting with us. mike and i eventually decided the club scene was not really our cup of tea and we headed over to mo's work, the ugly mug. we sat outside for hours with my boys mo, steven, derek, tyler and gremlin. cherise was also working and got to hang a bit later after she was cut. we took several shots and had several drinks. i love my group of friends with a passion. i always come back to them, no matter how many other people i meet. they are apart of my family, really. mo also said that he is going to give me three songs of his to learn bass to, and if i can learn it well enough, i will be able to play a song on stage for his next show. holla!!! how exciting!

we all went back to mo's apartment later. heather had driven that night and was at ryan's. i was too drunk to go anywhere anyway. i seriously think that their apartment has an intoxication vibe, as i promptly threw up 5 times in the bathroom upon arriving. i kept trying to pass out in murphy's vacant bed, although derek was whining that i had stolen it. eventually i passed out in the bathroom for an hour and made it to steven's room where he graciously let me crash. in the morning some of us woke and heather picked me up. unfortunetly i had to move the old things out of my room and the new things in. ugh. i love my big bed and new bookcase, though. and it was worth it.

i also finally finished the first three books of twilight. yessss! so addicted to vampires and edward. my mother also made me watch pride and prejudice again because i got her in love with mr. darcy. like that's hard. ha. i love me some darcy. mmm.

the past week i have also hung out with zach a few times and had a wonnderffuulll time watching french film, talking for hours, and having poking wars. he is pretty. i like new people to socialize with. sometimes i just need to take a break from everything i know that is all so closely tied together. it gets complicated and i need escape now and then.

things looking forward to:

1. the matches in october.
2. sneaking into the ting tings / solid gold show with mike minehart and heather.
3. finishing my room.
4. the new twilight book coming out this week.
5. a phone call.
6. finally seeing the dark knight.

things i plan on avoiding:

1. warped tour.
2. puking.
3. any more drama.

secret time.

i can finally tell people, now that i am for surely not in the running (as the show has already started). but i made it to big brother 10 semi-finals back in may. met with the show's casting director for a taped interview, etc... crazy, huh? i know reality television is awful, but i cannot help but watch big brother.

and sadly to say, i will probably try out again next season.

safetown remembers.

crazy reunion of many groups of old friends last night, from the group that taught me how to drunk and smoke and stay awake until the sun came up.

totally hung.

more later.

guilty pleasure

i don't mind if you want to hide your fangs too.

it is impossible to describe all of the past few weeks. life has been an absolute adventure. my friends and my outings have been ideal. i have gotten to know some people who i already know better who i never thought i would. i have also met people who dazzle me. i am breathing easy. soaking in the summer nights. enjoying myself. i am altogether in a better place now then i was at the beginning of the summer. life unfolds in beautiful ways.

words would not justify. i do have some pictures to illustrate, however. the pictures do not fully capture, just because they are mainly of the girls. but the nights that came along with them, as well as the nights that followed, were brilliant. many friends. many concerts. many drunken nights full of love and chaos. and vampires. beautiful vampires.

i will just say that i doubted my capacity to move beyond and be totally free of the past for any time in the near future. i proved myself wrong. sometimes life offers you the opportunity to see that happiness and old feelings with new names still exist out there.

and i will post more frequently. i apologize.

ten things for today.

1. i hate jewelry that turns copper after a few days of wearing it.
2. it is really strange when many of your friends are on the same tour together.
3. i am sick of living in the past and holding on to memories of careless people.
4. i love music and concerts more than most things.
5. i love being around little kidlets who remind me what joy is found in life.
6. i both love and hate skype-ing with people. so awkward.
7. i think we need to drill in the USA for oil. do it.
8. i am ambivalent as to who should be our president.
9. i need a good book to read NOW. in withdrawal.
10. i would rather live wild and lonely than utterly domesticated.

let's recap, now.

oh my. i know i will forget a lot of what has happened since my last update. my weeks have been so busy that i find no energy to post. i work eight long hours in a non-air conditioned building. come home. rarely go out on week days. and spend my weekends catching myself up on my social life.

the 4th of july went over well. all blark members (minus gremlin) gathered at dan and amy's house. we all sat around on their porch posting fake craig's list ads, voting for the wannabe hasbeens, and drinking a lot of beers, jag, and applesauce shots while murphy tried to kill us with bottle rockets. dan and murph had gone earlier in the day to get massive amounts of fireworks. i, however, never saw them. this was because half of us decided to head to the sand creek fireworks, while the other half decided to go to jim and mel stone's house to shoot off fireworks and swim in their amazingly heated pool. i was in the group to sand creek. we must have walked five miles in all, and got lost in the woods a few times in account to melissa's sense of direction. haha. while we were walking to the carnival/fireworks, some girl came up to me and started walking with us. we chatted. she needed to use my phone to find her friends. i never let anyone use my phone, but i let her use it. she walked off with it. long story short, she had told me her name before she took my phone and i looked her up on myspace in the morning (after buying a cheap replacement) and found alllll of her info there. called the police. they called her. we are working it out. i think she was just too drunk and careless. she feels bad about it, and plans to pay me back. oh well. shit happens. the people i was with were calling my phone all night and leaving threatening texts. lydia was even carrying around a stake. mo was pondering the morality of punching a girl in this sort of situation. none happened, obviously. we went to the carnival. they all bought me beers and tickets. we went on the scrambler, which i swear moved at the speed of light. went in the funhouse. won some hannah montana posters (love it) and i promptly threw up on a tree behind a booth. great. lydia's parents picked us up (thank god) and drove all of us to our cars where we met up with everyone at jim and mel's. swam in underwear. cannonballed, etc... by this time some drama had started. i was crabby. and the night ended swiftly. about time.

i am ugly.

within the past few weeks i hung out with jp a few times while he was home. all of them were more stellar than usual, and we watched several woody allen movies (as my knowledge is limited, but my interest is high), ate a lot of luce pizza, had many a good chats about politics and religion, and just hung in there.

i went to several shows. a wannabe show (where they won the basilica block party spot). the this world fair/ the spirit of '76/ barcelona/ wannabe hasbeen show at the fineline (loovvee barcelona t h i s much more now). almost made it to a oh crap mo is back acoustic show.

this weekend us girls made it to the basilica block party. the wannabe boys won an opening spot for friday, and graciously got many of us guest passes and list spots. AMAZING. a free $35 ticket? yes, please! we even got sweet little badges. i love those. looking all important. we met up with cherise and brittany right away and headed over to augustana's set, whereupon we found out murphy could get us on stage. i love our lives. murphy worked his magic and we found ourselves staring out onto thousands of people (it felt like). i had texted jared (the bassist) all day about possible hangs, but it ended up that his gf's parents lived in town and was hanging with them. it was good to be able to be on stage for our friends' set with mike minehart in the pit taking pictures of us. i love my group of friends. we end up having the craziest adventures and stories in life. the weather, however, was turning insane. the cold front was literally visible in the sky, and all we could see behind it was lightening. the day had been so extremely humid, so i welcomed it. the set ended a few songs short, and the dj's prompted the crowd to get underneath the overpasses. we though "fuck that" and us girls ran into the parking garage with mike. thousands of people were stuck in the bottom levels of this garage while the temperature dropped twenty degrees and tents began to blow over. the guards locked us in for about an hour, and i felt like i was on the bottom decks of the titanic. the storm raged, we ran into sharon and molly, but eventually we exited and found our way backstage to our wannabe hasbeens boys' tent. we drank some jag with cities 97 djs, texted each other awful things, and listened to ziggy marley take the stage beside us. eventually the night came to a close, after being recognized by some guy because of our being on stage. weird.

this is very jumbled. sorry.

i also went shopping with lyds yesterday in uptown. oh how i love uptown. good style (for the most part), urban outfitters, and many coffee places. good hangs on a nice day.

i spoke to brian last night, and he gave me some of the best advice i have heard in years. it is so strange how someone can word something so perfectly to make you understand and see. i already knew what he was telling me, but the way he put it made so much sense. i told heather about it today, and she totally feels enlightened as i do. we are putting this advice to action. i hesitate to post it here, as it may be too private for a public audience, but if you ever come to me needing similar advice i will spring it on you, and you will be marveled!

notice:

post will commence when the pictures from last night are received.

and i'm not sure if i can resurrect you.

The air was so thick that month. The June bugs had only just ceased to beat themselves against screen doors and porch lights. We made no mention of what was to come those days. Instead we spoke of Paris, sad flowerpots filled with cigarette butts, and the semantics of the English language. I knew that the summer would end before it had even announced itself. I knew that I would soon ache for the memory of it. In thirty-two days I would see the night skyline and miss you in the reflection of distant stars against darkened windows.

i forgot to tell you!

heather and lyds made me go to the zoo on sunday. i hate zoos. i hate carnivals. i am just anti-fun like that, i guess. but it turned out... it was beautifully wonderful.

i love animals. and flamingos. and butterflies that look like feathers!

and most of all? dippin' dots. yup. i said it.