if only i could be.

a modest reflection of my day.

she could be anywhere.

the weekend:

• lovely patio hangs with heather dagger and lydia slayer last night. drank several kalimotxos. yum!
• saturday night had my mother's belated birthday dinner at benihana. see ugly me in pictures below. it just wasn't my looks' night. but it was a very fun family get together (plus significant others).
  
• saturday morning i was allowed to visit flowers studio, and eavesdrop on the diabolical scheming of the farewell continental group.
• do you like how this was all out of order?

upcoming stresses:

• taking my car into the shop. it is making funny noises. i hate those noises...
• cleaning and organizing work next week for school-year set-up. i don't even know where to begin.

happy things:

• justin's first week of going back to college is this week!
• september and october concerts to get me through august.
• wednesday hangs with my favorite male friend, brian.
  

possible future things:

• tuesday at the sunshine factory.
• thursday at the triple rock.
• in between: sleep, sleep, sleep.

what about you???

(p.s. i am aware this journal has become pointless and lame. i am working on that. hopefully... i just need to find more motivation and time to invest. will do my best. until then, hang in there.)

benihana!

friends in quotes--they're not calling.

i am making a list.

• people i will contact / people i will not
• those who are worthwhile to spend energy on / those who are not
• people i want to get to know better / people i do not

[add subcategories and more sub categories]

it is more of a mental list... but it has been forming for quite some time. only recently have some people's statuses been cemented.

i am past civility catch-ups. there is no time for it.

family love.

jessica and jesse's wedding.

so last weekend justin and i went to jessica and jesse's wedding in sturbridge, massachusetts.

bonus: justin upgraded me to first class for the flight to boston. i had never been in first class before. i felt special. space, food, attention. what else do i need?

the town was beautiful and quaint. i needed a place like that to vacation to so badly. the atmosphere was so quiet and serene. there were beautiful rolling green hills and expanses of beautiful land. i loved it, seeing as boston is dirty and strange.

we arrived friday afternoon and spent the entire day lounging in the hotel room, watching the secret lives of superheroes (possibly the most depressing human documentary ever) and chugging diet coke.

saturday we woke up and went out to lunch with pavan (MCS sound guy), josh terry (MCS's former tour manager, i believe), and claudio (MCS drum tech). we went to those guys' favorite restaurant--cracker barrel. i had never been there. delicious country meal time. eventually we took a satanic trip to get "delicious milkshakes." we all about barfed.

saturday night we then traveled to the church when jessica and jesse were getting married. we became horribly lost, and some kind neighborhood man led us in his truck to where we were actually supposed to be (damn iphone GPS). we made it about five minutes before the wedding was to begin. luckily, five cars pulled in as we did--everyone looking shocked that they had finally found where the church was.

the wedding was simple, elegant, and all together perfect. my favorite part of the whole wedding was the doors opening to jessica and all of her classic beauty as she walked down the aisle with her father. ugh. i teared up for sure. her dress was very jane austenesque. exactly how i pictured her on her big day.
after we blew bubbles at the newly married bride and groom and watched them leave in their stylish ride, we all drove to the hotel for the reception. the reception was huge (in my opinion) and blew my mind at how many details had to have been sorted out beforehand.

there were pre-appetizers and wine and beer bar. the dinner was fabulous. we all received a personal cd containing jessica and jesse's "songs," and meanings behind all of the songs. the toasts were tear-jerking. the dancing afterwards was hilarious and full of participation.

one of my favorite parts was when augie pulled justin into the center of the dance floor's "circle" and they reenacted a scene from something where their hands are tied together and they pretend to knife fight. everyone was cracking up! after that, i got justin on the dance floor and we coordinated goofy dances together. perfect.
i met so many awesome people. everyone was so welcoming.

the next morning we went to jessica's parent's house for brunch. the house was huge and the lawn was gigantic. everyone was chilling on the porch or playing yard games in the back lawn. it was so beautiful and calming. i looked around and realized how many friends and loved ones jessica and jesse have. i was so touched for them.

eventually we had to take off to catch our flight. it was sad to leave such a perfect weekend. lazy lovely hangs with my love, chats with new friends and acquaintances, and all in all a re-energizing vacation.

the plane ride was slightly more eventful than hoped for. it was delayed. then there was an "incident in first class" that had to be cleaned up. then there were radar issues. then we were told there were severe storms we would be going around. then there was a security threat on our plane, and all of the bags had to be double checked by the captain and the flight attendants. YIKES. no thanks.

i have to say, i am so honored to have been a part of such a monumental moment in jessica and jesse's lives. i can see how much they love each other and how much others love them. i can only hope for something resembling what they have one day. it was perfection.

gives me shivers.

sigh.

i am so captivated by him, it is scary. scary perfection.

let's get some elephants out of the room.

• you may say you want to be back in my life, like old times, but you quite clearly still resent me. i think that says more about you than it does about me, although i am not the innocent here.
  
• your friends are very unwelcoming and rude, and i do not foresee myself being around you often--if at all--anymore. not worth the disrespect. call me when you are out of the douche scene.
  
• i am just waiting for it all to blow over--i don't know how else to go about it. i have said everything and done everything as respectfully as possible. if i don't hang around as much, it is because i am doing all of us a favor.
  

never going to saint cloud again. confirmed.

went into the world, what a revelation.

i am quite glad to be going away this weekend. i need to be away from everything that will be happening from tonight on through this weekend. i want no part of it.

i need some distance.

i am longing to get on that plane with justin and physically fly away from the tangible parts of it. lovely distractions.

jessica and jesse's wedding couldn't be more perfectly timed--or looked forward to.

more st. cloud snips.

horoscope.

"If anyone deserves some quality time with strictly platonic acquaintances -- the kind who want nothing more from you than a couple of good giggles and some intelligent, charming company -- it's you, especially after what you've been dealing with lately. All those thoughts about what's important and what's not take the fun out of things. Now, however, it's time to put that behind you and remember what it was like to giggle. Ready or not ...."

made plans tonight with several people who i miss and hardly ever see. my next two weeks are filling up--in the perfect way.

st. cloud disaster.

st. cloud attire. was going for danceable/indie/hipster.

she is stronger than she looks.

death.

i wanted to help load out. mo wasn't thrilled with the idea.laura doesn't believe in shoes.lydia coming out of the closet.