DEATHLY HALLOWS FTW.

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There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of merit or sense.

Adelaide.

Adelaide sat quietly on the balcony, watching the sun rise and the commuters set off on their daily plunge into the mundane.

The already heavy air was enclosing her already sopping-wet insides and squeezing them, until she felt she could heave her heart onto the cement platform at any minute.

The future.

It was a weighty notion that overwhelmed and consoled. Ideals were being purged, and reality was growing brighter and brighter just beyond the silver buildings across the freeway.

She lingered upon those ideals. They had made her feel awed and so lucky to have been chosen.

Who was she?

Several years of all that she had dreamed, built, and named was slipping away. Adelaide clung to it for a few more minutes. Holding its warmth, touching its corners, memorizing its form for one last time. And then she breathed it all away from her.

The reality stung upon new arrival, especially as it fully reached her from the horizon. A new, and slightly familiar face to characterize and comfort her. It made promises against the former, and undid the past with a vow for the now and the to-come. She had never been one to trust strangers.

But her ideals had told her that this one would be better, although a little painful at first, and without it she would not be able to continue.

She so wanted to continue.

Therefore, she scooped it up, carried it inside, and slowly began to swell with a love and a quiet understanding for the times that had led up unto this one.

i'll know my name as it's called again.

the best part.

Justin + endless sleep +Six Feet Under + Luce + Justin = The cure for all of my worries, problems, and negativity.

He is the cure.

i hate. i hate. I HATTTEEE.

i currently, in this moment, hate the majority of people. if you are a stranger--you are safe. if you are one of the sane, compassionate, intelligent, aware humans in my circle of knowing--you are safe. everyone else?

i hate. i hate. I HATTTEEE (copyrighted by some comedian i heard on one of tommy's cds or something from justin, commenting on the auto-spell function for phone texting).

i cannot tell you how EXCITED i am to be unemployed, just so i can sit in my room and type out all of my loathing into characters that vaguely resemble the momentarily-hated-upon and at the same time completely avoid most of human kind WHILE working in this room.

i am so very cheerful.

i am very aware.

p.s. thank you heather dagger for allowing me to blow your ear off with my vents and negativity. you are the truest of friends.

it's too early for proper capitalization.

a week or so ago, justin wanted to head out to a show at the 7th street entry to see a band who had tweeted him to come. he was bringing tommy, and i last minute got a hold of heather. she agreed to come. i also had not seen my lovely cuz, casey, in quite some time, so i asked her too. she also agreed, and brought our cuz-in-law (and her bestie), jacquelyn. we also ran into kristin, who was working that night. short but lovely hangs happened. i love those girls.
in worse news, that night. most of the first ave stars were painted over. boo. if you remember, motion city soundtrack had just gotten theirs a few months ago. however, i hear it from inside sources that MCS still gets theirs back once the building is redone. i do hope so.

that weekend, heather and i had a date (since justin was/is out of town writing with miss jenny owen youngs). we went to a new blaine restaurant, the tavern, which surprised us in its veggie food options (especially for a blaine establishment, where most people here are hunters and all into the meat gig).

we then decided to get a drink, as both of us were free for the night, and we went downtown to try ::gasp:: NEW THINGS! we checked out a bar that heather had been to once, and it turned out to be relatively douche-free. saw derek and gremlin next door. overall it wasn't a complete bust!

a few days ago the bamboozle roadshow came to the cabooze. i wasn't planning on going, but when i received a text from a 4-year-friend-but-never-met-in-person-although-have-talked-for-many-years-via-our-mutual-friend-connection saying she was in town, i jumped at going to meet her. kat was more amazing in person than i even thought she was going to be. we decided we were in love pretty quickly. she was working for PETA on the tour, and i basically hung out with her the whole time, as i was not thoroughly interested in most of the bands playing (although it was fun to witness). saw a lot of friends, including: tiffers, gremlin, sara kiesling, heather s., tam, some of pat brown's friends that i never quite get their names to stick, bruce, etc... it is fun standing back and watching hoards of girls chase down the members of boys like girls and other young band members.

the highlight was seeing third eye blind, a band that holds nostalgic memories of teen-hood. and i also met someone from iceland, which was a first.

this week was my last week of work, as i am now officially laid off. it was a sad week, but all of the staff, kids, and families were so supportive and offered so many kind words. i am terrible with drawn-out goodbyes or public emotional scenes, but i did my best, and managed through the week with minimal tears and sadfaces.

my boss bought me, as a going away gift, a vegetarian cookbook, which i am SO excited about. i can cook a grilled cheese sandwich. that's about it. eek. so hopefully i can learn some life skills, and perhaps be able to cook justin a meal, like a real wifey does.

today is laura's bridal shower (i am so bad at these types of things), but it should be good times.

justin comes home on monday (eee!), and next weekend we are going to virginia to see tony and matt's old band play for a fundraiser for a drummer friend of theirs. i am VERY excited. and it will be a good cause to support.

that is all for now, loves!

I stick to my guns; I am welded to my weaponry.

1. It takes two to communicate.
2. I don't pity self-imposed pity.
3. There are no "must"s or "have to"s here. There are no binding contracts.
   
4. I have a long list of grievances and an even smaller capacity to care about them.
5. Silence to me is golden. I crave it. So if I have it, I don't question it.
   

Family Events in Photos.

Cabin times (a few weekends ago):

Cousins.

Sisters (my aunt and mother).I was having an ugly-no-more-pictures kind of day.

Godmother and goddaughter.

GIRLS!

Memorial Day family dinner:

My favorite.

Attractiveness.

Tough guys.

My sister and her boy, Derek.

UGHHHH!

In hysterics over Justin's photo-taking skills.

72 days.

I almost picked up this pen again--but felt too much to express.

Man's Search for Meaning

It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life - daily and hourly. Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual.