battered and braised, grilled and sauteed.

Well, well, well. I have decided to try proper capitalization and punctuation again. This will probably last a whopping one post. Enjoy it while it lasts.

The past two weeks, or so, have been a whirlwind of emotions, events, and words. I still hesitate to post on most of it (some of my own, some of others, some only involving me slightly). Know that "mine" is sorted out for the best--the very best. I am more content than ever (after several days of silent agony). Things are as they were, but stronger in many ways. "Others" is sorting out as we speak. I have been surprisingly impressed by some people's actions and strides to make everything work out. Hopefully it continues. "Sort of mine" is just straight up drama--some of which needed to happen, some of which is just entertaining, and some of which is totally unnecessary. Seems like the world is begging for us girls to have intense nights out these days. Every single time we have gone out, it has been wonderful chaos and dangerous riot fires.

Friday the girls all got together for what was supposed to be Amy's girl's night out, but she ended up needing to stay home. Heather, Lydia, Laura, and myself still ended up going to the Varsity to catch The Greycoats, Dan Rodriguez, and Ari Herstand play some tunes. There we ran into Kalgren, who had previously the denounced the "scene" and "scene-sters" but must have thought he was exempt from contamination this night, and his girlfriend, who is very nice. We also found Meg, and roped her into our little circle of women. Of course Amy (Ari's girlfriend), Allison (George's girlfriend), etc... were there. Good people all around. Later in the night Brian Shackle showed up, and Mo also showed up. Eventually we decided to get some drinkables and headed over to the Ugly Mug (of course). I drove, lost, in downtown Minneapolis at 1:00AM all by myself AND found my way. Amazing. My biggest fear, partly overcome. The rest of the night? Not so satisfactory. I will not divulge. Anyway, we all ended up going to Luce (of course) and ate our pizza bitterly. Regardless of the drama the night brought, my girls are wonderful. I never have a bad time with them. Never. And the aftermath was sorted out the next morning, which was a good thing.

Above: Sort of fish-eye. Below: Non-fish-eyeish.

Saturday I went with Justin to Shane Nelson's wedding. He is the man who directed and shot the Farewell Continental video in the post below. Genius. Right? The wedding was the most perfectly done wedding I have seen, in terms of what I would ideally like (although not sure if I would actually do, or if I will ever actually get married). He was married at the Arboretum. The ceremony was in a square garden outside. There was a string/flute three piece band. The guests stood, lining the walkway, and when Shane and then when Molly walked past it was very casual and comfortable. Very classy and beautiful, but still "real"--not a lot of show. I loved it. It was quick and then we all moved to another gardenish area where the reception was held inside a inn-type of thing. Justin and I ended up sitting with two other Justins he knows, and it was a wonderful time, considering I didn't really know anyone. Shane is one of the most witty, kind, and open people I have ever met. It was a privilege being able to witness a milestone in his life.

Photo of a Polaroid.

Sunday Justin invited me to his mother's birthday dinner at Moto (?) a Japanese restaurant. YUM. many small dishes of food. I totally adore his whole family and all of the "significants." Such a good bunch of personalities. After that we went to his place and watched a movie (Something Idaho? With River Phoenix?). I loved it! He was being a little turd, though, when I tried to explain one of the character's personalities to him (based off of my knowledge of a Shakespeare play). That punk. He is so cute when he is a punk.


In other news...

I am skinnier than I have been in ages.

I feel better about myself than I have in ages.

I am so totally stoked for Vegas coming up next weekend.

Who is excited for the new Harry Potter? This girl!

I am practicing how to smile in photos these days. I like my big natural smile, but sometimes I just want a good photo. So I am working on this. Lame, huh? Eh.

I have not watched television in at least a week, which makes me very happy.

I was, very luckily, able to listen to the new MCS roughs for the new album a few times. I am completely obsessed. I cannot get them out of my head. They are going to get so much credit as a band for this new record. I cannot wait for it to come out so everyone can fall in love with it as much as I have.

fated to pretend.

i have been blessed with a relatively large amount of people who know me inside and out. these people either have known me for years, have a gifted insight, or have simply cared enough to look deeper than surface appearances allow.

some of these people have been true and loyal friends from the beginning, some i have just met, some have gone their own way, and some have hurt and gutted me out. regardless to the current status of our relationships, i can still appreciate the fact that all of these people indeed know me.

the worst is knowing that some people, with whom i have spent so much time and effort on, do not know me. not in the least. some of these people were my closest companions, some were my lovers, and some were people that i cultivated great interest in.

they may know the sound of my laugh, where i grew up, the predictable manner in which i will answer the phone, the music i listen to, my favorite dessert, and the phrases i use to nauseum. but they have no concept of who i really am.

i think about these people in the morning, when the day is new but yet there is no hope for change or growth. i know that these people will never know me, because they wish not to or do not have the capacity to understand.

i wish i could be the person who could spell out their soul's thoughts with their tongue. i wish i could sit you down and tell you everything. but i am not that person, and i never can be. this does not prevent change or growth on its own, but rather it prevents it when coupled with certain people's inability to care.

i will always feel like there could have been more. i will always feel like something was missing. i will always remember the times i sat quiet on your couch, hoping that you would figure me out. but i will always know you better than you know yourself. and so i will never hope for more from you.

most importantly. i will keep those close, closest. and i will be grateful to those who found worth in my silence--enough to keep pressing.