children, broad ripple is burning.

i have not neglected you, blog!

oh dear. i lie. i have indeed been neglecting you! but it is not on purpose, no. i have been splendidly busy with friends, christmas extravaganza, work, and other delightful adventures. forgive me.

but do let me regale you with the lovely things i received this christmas:

dvds:
all about eve
the philadelphia story
casablanca
pushing daisies: season one (from miss heather dagger)
my so-called life: complete series
sense and sensibility (how i love my jane austen films)

clothes:
1 favorite style of jeans by silver
a vest/shirt combo (a wonderful throwback to the 90's)
rhinestone studded audrey hepburn shirt
green button down jacket
black peacoat
black leather slouch boots (fabulous!)
long sleeved billabong vintage shirt
striped fashion scarf
green music and star long sleeved shirt
green giraffe shirt (from sister and reminds me of my love for heather)

other:
the new margot and the nuclear so & so's cd (from heather!)
various other margot and say hi and mix cds (from heather)
gift card for victoria's secret (hoorah!!!)
angel perfume (one cannot run out of their signature scent. it would be tragic!)
stocking stuff (mini toiletries etc.)
a black and silver bracelet
an angel ornament (tradition)
under garments & striped socks
the chicago manual of style (an editor's must have!)
a black filing cabinet (complete with folders)

there you have it. i think that concludes it!

to my family and heather i got these amazing blankets from richelle's family's embroidery store. i got their favorite pictures of me and them and put them on the blankets, blown up style. they turned out wonderfully! they went over really well, i think. i am awful at gifts, but these seemed perfect and sentimental. good combo! for justin i got a few random things and a subscription to "writer's digest" (as his editor) and the series of my so-called life. i think he will enjoy it.

christmas went far better than i thought it would. maybe a positive mindset is all it takes. hm. makes sense. anyway. i plan to update more later.

upcoming events:
dec. 29th - kitty kat club (free acoustic performances from oh crap mo is here, shoreline, and more)
jan. 4th - triple rock (farewell continental and red fox grey fox)

blast from the past.

looking back through old movies, i found the old crush taxi tribute to our good friends this world fair. i still think it is blush-worthy and amazing at the same time. check it out, if you please! circa two years ago!

everyday angels.

several of my co-workers have given me wonderful gifts for the holidays (mostly food, hoorah!). my site evaluation went swimmingly (very impressed she said)! i actually was motivated yesterday to go to dance (tap is not my thing. give me some jazz). finished christmas shopping with absolutely no holiday stress (unreal! inspired!). heather came over and told me some wonderful wonderful news with beautiful beautiful pictures (holy crap, i love. i love!)!!! hung out with justin before he left for his destination (i counted 15 different accents on him, and that was only the last hour and a half of the night. i adore that kid to no end). ahh. beautiful end of the week. except that i am extremely tired, but it was all worth the energy.

i know i need more pictures up here. or something worthwhile. but at the moment i am leading a boring life (one that i am delighted with). things will pick up once the weather is above freezing and there is not an inch of black/ice on the road. le sigh.

the dial isn't broken; that's the way it works.

Don't get comfortable.

Don't be sensible.
Swing with all you have.

Stop me if you can.

My Adreanna.

Whenever there was a perfect lullaby moon hanging in the sky, Adreanna perched herself outside of my window. She used to tell me that I had the perfect view of her favorite piece of sky. Every time she said this I swear I could have roped her to my roof and kept her forever.

I pretended her visits intruded on my personal time. I demanded that she find other places to praise her pagan gods. Adreanna never believed me. She would just begin to tap her long, tapered nails against the window pane. I imagined she kept the rhythm of the world's night in those fingers.

I never saw her during the day, she claimed disobedience to the sun. She refused to oblige it by entering into the afternoon. She said that her moon would see the adulterous touch of it on her skin. I thought she was full of shit and self-doubt--worried about what other people may have thought of her--but I still loved Adreanna anyway.

One lullaby moon night Adreanna did not appear at my window.

The month after that--still no Adreanna.

Then in January I awoke to banging on my window. I went back to sleep.

In the early morning freeze Adreanna's message was still etched onto the glass: "I miss your sky."

I thought she was full of shit and self-doubt, and I knew she had wandered into someone else's sky for a time.

From then on I kept my window shut at night--long past the cold months.

all we can do is breathe.

i sometimes fear long periods where everything is going so well.

it is an up, up, up hill climb until one simple day there is nothing of notice. nothing good. nothing bad. just everything mediocre. those days send me into a tailspin.

i have grown accustomed to greatness.

a standstill feels like a backward fall when my life has been go, go, go with laughter and happiness for weeks.

so foolish. i need to remember that i am fine. that nothing is wrong. that i am in such a wonderful place. remember, remember, remember.

my mind plays tricks on me, and i am starting to figure out its methods.

quick and dirty.

• i feel accomplished today. i paid all of my bills, met with my financial advisor for my 403(b) plan (it is like a 401k), mailed things i needed to, created a homework bucket for the kids that has been making them do their homework more often, and put together some other secret projects.
• tomorrow i will attempt to finish up my end of the christmas present project. i am pretty pumped about it. no more details though, do not want anyone to get any hints!
• i love having everything on my endless lists crossed off. ahh.
• is it sick that i absolutely love doing laundry? i do.
• i feel extremely fat after eating half a pizza and a lot of artichoke dip last night. bleh.
• i made several rad ornaments for my mother's tree at work (for our art projects). this ties into me trying to have some holiday spirit.
• i realized i am more than happy not going out as much as i usually do/did in the summer. i need to save/pay money. i go out when it is enticing, but if it is the same old same old, then i do not.
• came up with a pretty rad joint project for a book series last night.
• excited for the annual guthrie theater production of the christmas carol with the entire extended family on my mother's side next thursday.
• excited for cherise to come back. maybe all of us girls can hit up the holidazzle or watch some terrific movies.
• excited to start seeing heather all bundled up in buttons and bigness soon.
• people have a funny way of surprising me. i never thought people could learn in a positive way so much. completely impressed.
• a few people make me shake my head. but that's okay. all in good time, my pretties. all in good time.

ciao babies!

make a wish!

many many months ago, in a land far far away (woodbury), a short film was shot. justin wrote and directed this hilarious film (which i have seen, although it is not available for public view as of yet) called make a wish. it was a crazy two night shoot at a mexican restaurant called acapulco (so good). free food and drinks were provided. i brought my sister, katie, and my best friends, heather and lydia. the shoot began around midnight every night and lasted until morning. insanity! finally the behind the scenes clip is up. i have provided it below. as the total nerd i am, i have also provided the times where i show up and where my sister shows up. sorry heather and lydia, i didn't see you in it. :[

me: 00:15, 2:31
sister: 2:46, 4:31



justin is such a talented man, it sometimes makes me a very sad panda. i will never have the ideas and the inspiration that he has. but he does make me want to work harder at creative pursuits. i am lucky to have such brilliant people in my life!

hope you enjoyed!

shopping success!

i generally hate shopping of any sort, but today (for the first time ever) i found exactly everything i was looking for! hoorah for christmas and the stores being so stocked up for it with good prices! i got a comfy, long pair of lounge pants, some new magic shoes (as my old pair's soles are almost gone), tons of socks (lame i know), TONS of cute underthings from VS (but i feel like picturing said underthings in full online is a bit awkward and inappropriate), tons of nose studs (my cheap ones were turning weird colors, and i am a freak about making sure they look perfect), and a rad black leather bracelet. whoop whoop! i am in a good mood.

i don't need anyone else. i don't need anything else.

ahh friday! how i love thee. work has been busy but wonderful. i have some really fun art projects planned for the next two weeks of curriculum. i also had my benefits meeting this week, and i officially enrolled for them. the total cost of complete medical and dental coverage? $96 a year. fabulous!!! arg. life is really, really good. i am so lucky to have such a perfect job, two blocks from my house, with staff and children i have known for years, at a school that is nostalgic for me, with full benefits and good pay--all in this economy. so very blessed.

last night i got a last minute call from justin saying he had a +1 guest spot for the stella comedy show at first ave. i put down my chicken chili and hightailed it down to minneapolis. parked. ran six blocks in the frigid cold and met him inside. stella is a three person act of men who used to be on the television show the state. you would probably recognize at least one of them! we hung out upstairs with matt, tony, josh and his wife (who luckily did not remember me as the intoxicated idiot i definitely was the one time we had met and spoken). good times. hilarious! how can laughing ever be bad? laura and adam were also there, but we could only communicate via text and waves. boo urns.

winter mornings...

big smiles and warm thoughts.

i bring to you, sigh, love.

if you have not seen the movie adaptation yet, and plan on seeing it, maybe do not watch these clips, because they (in my opinion) are the best parts of the movie.

otherwise, enjoy.

do you wanna tangle, or do you wanna go it alone?

thanksgiving weekend. four days. two paid vacation. two extra lazy normal days. hoorah!

for thanksgiving i first went to my mother's side of the family at my aunt's house. that side of the family is hilarious. we are all so very different, and all so alike. almost everyone has o.c.d. quirks, neuroses, and spectacular streaks of humor. i love visiting with them. we all end up laughing until our stomachs hurt. i am so lucky to have a family that gets along so well. from there my family went to my father's side at my uncle's house. since my grandparents died on that side, our get togethers are less and less, but i still love and miss that side of my family. there were so many new additions to the family this year, and i found myself at the kid's table far more than the grown-up's table. i am constantly working with little kids for my job, obviously, but i hardly ever get to hang out with little little kids, who still love to cuddle and be held. love it! ate some more. wanted to burst. all in all, great thanksgiving. my favorite holiday. it can never go too wrong.

the next day i made a conscious promise to myself to attempt and have an anti-grinch mentality about christmas this year. since my teenage years, i have really dreaded christmas. i love the ideas behind it, but the practice of christmas sends me into panic and anxiety. the mention of snow and sleigh bells floors me. everything bad seems to happen around christmas. but because my mother loves the holiday so much, and does her damnedest to make it memorable every year, i have decided to try and re-learn to like christmas. so as my first act of good will toward the season, i helped her put up the family tree. it was good. i dug it. i even declined a pizza/movie party invitation from justin to continue with the tree. he took a nap instead and we met up for an hour afterward to eat a bit and watch an old cary grant movie. hoorah!

later that night was the ed ackerson cd release party at the varsity theater. i have heard a lot about ed, as he is an accomplished musician, especially in minneapolis, and he runs flowers studio (where many of my friend's bands have recorded).

justin and kari's band, farewell continental, was playing the show. i can now officially say their names, since they were not wearing ski masks while playing this time, ha. i met up with my friend from college, matt, who i had not seen in a while. went inside. we said hello to kari. we checked out the cases of vinyl records for sale (making me wish with all of me that i still owned a record player). we ordered some drinks, where the bartender recognized my perfume and swooned over it, yay! and then we trailed up front where farewell was setting up. suddenly i noticed that many people from my twitter list were standing around me, people who i had not met in real life. strange! i did not approach them at the show, but rather waited till i was on twitter again to say that i had seen them. haha. i felt it a breach of internet etiquette to just cross the line between screen and stage. steve was there. some of the white light riot boys trailed in (because dan, their bassist, was playing in the mood swings after farewell's set). justin moved some tall potted plants onto the stage, placing them on either side of him. crazy man! and the show began. as like before, they only had four/five songs, and the set passed far too quickly. kari's vocals were turned up higher than the last time they played at triple rock, which was a good thing. justin was quirky nervous, which made for twitchy hand movements that i think enhanced the presentation. overall i was much more impressed than the last time i saw them play.

after that set i ordered some more drinks, and watched (half-heartedly) the rest of the show. justin came out and stood by me. kari came over and said goodbye (as matt insisted to be a gentleman and carry out her amp for her). kari gave us her extra drink tickets, oh no. i love that girl. she is fabulous (for many more reasons than just drink tickets). went back in. gabe and mike minehart joined the crowd at that point. had some awkward moments that i will not go into. and eventually i became extremely tired from the wine and the long day. i stepped back and sat down on the risers, while gabe let me cuddle/sleep on him. justin was waiting to see polara play, because it was a band he liked when he was 15. ed ackerson was all around great, i just wish i had been more awake to enjoy it. soon the show ended, and i helped jp get his stuff back to his place.

i hijacked these photos--they are not my own.

farewell continental.

polara.

saturday i was supposed to make it to the 7th street entry to see readygoes and white light riot. i really REALLY wanted to see both of them play, but was so tired and not feeling that well, and therefore i did not go. they are all my buddies. they will forgive me.

instead i went to see twilight again with my mother, who had not seen it yet. i totally enjoyed it more the second time around, because i had no expectations. i just sat back and took it in. i still hate that the writer put herself into a cameo in the movie--lame. i still think that the movie is a sometimes-too-dramatic angsty teenage love story. but it is what it is. sitting in movie theaters reminds me how much people annoy me, though. arg. for the love of god.

today (sunday) i may go get coffee with slayer and dagger, and later i may meet up with kari at the ugly mug for some vikings glory. but seeing as i am a total pile this weekend, i am not sure if i will do any of this.

red balloons and old cartoons.

this weekend i realized that i had come down with the flu a few days previous. who knew that the flu does not always include stomach hurt? i didn't!

so i went and hung out with jdawg and richelle on friday. borrowed a book. and lounged around the rest of the weekend and read/slept/hurt.

sunday i felt the need to get out downtown. i had not gone out or hung out with my blark buddies since halloween. yikes!!! so to kill a bunch of birds with one stone, i went to the ugly mug with dagger.

luckily several friends were out. mo was working. steven, gremlin, and tyler (who we rode lane-side the whole way down to minneapolis) were all visiting. mike minehart, photographer extraordinaire, also met up with us. we were planning on doing a photoshoot with his sister's new lense this weekend, but a photoshoot in a park with no snow would have been pretty ugly. so that is postponed. most importantly, kari was there as well! i have been meaning to meet up with her for the past several sundays, as her co-workers go to the mug to watch the game. we hugged and caught up and drank too much (thanks to mo's shot-making capabilities). so by three o'clock, this girl was not sober. oh my. eventually dagger, mike, and i wandered over to brit's pub where kari and crew were watching a soccer game. during that, mike experimented with his sister's camera on me and dagger.

we then went back the mug. i told everyone i loved them farrr too much. i made a lot of "i'm watching you!" hand movements. and left.

good sunday, although i did not plan on it. no, no. great sunday.

currents.

what i am watching:

High Fidelity

i just finished watching this movie last night, and i immediately went out and bought it. i get this movie--it is like my life told from the perspective of the man. it may have made my top five movies of all time.

here is my favorite scene below.



what i am reading:

i've got your voice on tape, i've got your words in me.

i ache. all over. arg. someone make me some soup and fax it on over!

so i went to see jenny owen youngs at the 400 bar with justin, richelle (jp's sister), heather dagger, and lydia slayer on monday. justin's bassist, matt, also showed up for the show. justin is really good friends with jenny, and heather has always put jenny's stuff on mixed cds that she has given me. so when justin informed me of the show, i HAD to go. i was not disappointed. jenny is one of the most talented people i have ever seen. i can also see why her and justin get along so well. she has an awkward/nervous energy about her, but she is very quick witted (with a typically new yorkish blunt humor). i was overwhelmed and intimidated when talking to her, feeling foolish and slow, and all of the other girls with me felt the same. she is so intense! very genuine and sweet-hearted but comes off somewhat abrasive. we stayed for a while, all hanging out in the back listening to the other singer playing that night, but eventually us girls left the boys and went home to sleep.

if you have never heard of jenny owen youngs, check out her cd "Batten the Hatches." delicious.

i saw the movie twilight with stacy, lindsay, and heather today at 10:00 AM. no teenage girls = thank god. no lines = thank god. edward cullen = thank god. the movie did not impress me. i did enjoy it. it was entertaining. but it was scatter-brained in my opinion. bella did not do as well as i thought she would. edward was more dreamy than i could have imagined. mmm.

work is wonderful. i am really coming into my own.

everything else is lovely. i float through my days and hold on to my nights...

i will post more soon. i have been massively distracted as of late. ;]

kicking and screaming and pretending we were wrong.

ahhh. work work work. how i love thee. parents have been coming to me expressing their excitement at my position. the kids seem thrilled. the staff is wonderful. the vibe of the school feels wonderful. i adore it all.

justin and i have been hanging a bit, watching some sweet movies and television shows. he just got back from new york for the mtvu woodie awards. his band won the "best video of the year" award. very cool. super proud. i was worried that he would dress like his hero, larry david, at the show. thankfully, he did not. no blue blazer and black shirt. whew. here is a press photo from the night.

(justin, the director, jesse)

and here is the video that merited the award. also very cool.

otherwise i have been relatively anti-social. winter makes me want to sleep a lot. going out, especially on weekdays, seems like a lot of work to me. i have been trying to be constructive with my time, and i have been attempting to save money and calories by not going out to drink on the weekends. i love my friends, and i love hanging out with them, but i just need to limit my insanity, i think.

cherise is coming back from rome soon. the triple threat is mega pumped for this. sometimes you do not realize the value of people until you do not have them around. she is an intelligent and normal human being. i like that in people. i need more of that in my life.

heather and i may go to lunch with tiffany this weekend. it has been a long time since we have all hung out. kari gray and i may hang sunday afternoon in the mug area. we keep missing each other, but i do think she is brilliant.

that is all for now.

i am still at ease. i like this feeling.

this time i mean it.

my new job makes me happy. it is a great feeling to wake up and look forward to going to work. i have always loved working at this company, as it is so rewarding, but i love having responsibility and feeling challenged.

today feels like a good day. i have no plans. i have no idea what the weekend holds, but i am at ease.

ah, life. this is what it means.

she wears her head inside out.

i have realized that i prefer a strange and unpredictable (and sometimes unconventional) life, full of adventure and passion although not always having stability versus a planned, same day every day life.

at points i may get frustrated, sometimes i may feel a bit lost, and i never quite feel like i have anything settled and solid.

but my life enchants me.

i never would have thought that this would be me, that this would be my reality. i am blessed. i am amazed. i am grateful. i am happy, even with the unknowns. not having anything set in stone makes my drive for something, for everything, that much stronger.

i live.

and that is the most i could ever ask for out of this life.

things that annoy me (continued II).

how is it that so many people in this world pronounce supposedly as supposably?

drives me up a wall.

i awoke and my back was broke from lying on the floor.

what a long, cold week. i hate snow. it reminds me that winter is coming. bah!

it has been a wonderous week, though, and i am so elated with the news that i now have a position at the company i work for at my own site! the site i am now working at, and in charge of, is two blocks from my home, and it was the school i went to for my primary years. insanity! i now have full benefits!!! ahhh the relief. so now if i get run over by a flock of seagulls, i will be covered. yes!!! i AM sad that i will be leaving the kids at my other two sites though, and i am sad to leave the staff that i have come to love. :[

we do what we must do!

in dance class this week we learned a modern combination. now i am sore in places i never thought i could be sore in. holy crap. do i have muscles there and there? who knew!?

yesterday i ended up hanging with justin to watch citizen kane. i have never seen the movie, but i know it is a classic, and it is a highly rated film. i was impressed. i dug it. good times. the end.

tonight i was supposed to go to a show, but i am so lazy with this weather! i am pumped to lay low this weekend. ahhh.

on a sidenote: my mother is now getting into the twilight series! oh the addiction!

yes we can!

congratulations obama.

i must say i was really moved by everything that happened tonight. the positive energy and excitement in the reaction of obama being elected was contagious. his speech was powerful. i definitely had tears forming in the eyes.

mccain's speech was very gracious, and i am proud of how he handled himself.

i am excited to see how everything will work out in the next few years. anything is possible. there just may be hope. only time will tell.

election day.

i am not terribly thrilled with the options for today's election. but, regardless, it is extremely important to vote. everyone go out there and do it! make a stand for something.

since i am not passionate about either candidate in the presidential and senatorial races, i do not feel comfortable exclaiming who i voted for.

let's just say; for president i voted for a man who will probably make this country happier, although his views are not all aligned with mine; and for senate i voted for the man who is more aligned with my views, since i believe that the state voice is more important than the federal, and therefore my personal opinion matters more.

compromise.

GO VOTE!

halloween 2008

halloween at the fineline in minneapolis was perfect. our friends readygoes and the spirit of '76 played, and there was a costume contest that we did not stick around for. all of our friends arrived in costume, so it was the best place for us to be. not much at all to tell. pictures tell it best. enjoy.

we'll be some pirates, you'll be a princess. we will sail the seven seas.heather was our princess ransom for the night.the spirit of '76 as the village people.readygoes as nerds.steven, murphy, and derek as jag girls. for reals.
sometimes i try to kill mo. i tried to kill most people that night. vampire (jestin)!!!
shackle and i have a moment.
ARRRRRRR! some prehistoric broads (molly and sharon) and scary ian in the background. pippi longstocking (gloria). pirate vs. cereal killer (laura).

candid. not sober.

we found our captain (bailey)!

poor heather. this happened all night long. she probably has bruises.

let's get out of here, eh?!

japan.

so on friday morning i decided i was going to go visit my good friend justin in japan for a few days. thank god for frequent flyer miles, eh?! i called work from the airport, told them the situation, and luckily they understood the opportunity that was this adventure. my whole life i have dreamt of escaping somewhere, anywhere, at the spur of the moment. it happened.

i jumped on a plane to portland, waited a few hours, jumped on a plane to japan. watched a horrible version of great expectations. tried to sleep, with no avail. arrived in tokyo around 5ish (i think). justin picked me up. we boarded a bus to some hotel that yoko had gotten for us, since there were no more trains leaving for osaka that night, and we would have been stuck homeless otherwise. dumped our stuff. went to real sushi with yoko. sushi in japan is a dramatic art form. it is like samurai cooking. for reals. so delicious. while there i realized how clean japan is (it seems like someone comes and sweeps the streets every five minutes). the crosswalks are just like in the movies. hundreds of people at once crossing in every direction. unreal. everyone there, no matter what age, is extremely thin, and everyone looks like rockstars. the japanese put american style to absolute shame! eventually we headed back to hotel rooms. lovely twin beds with nasa pillows. hoorah!

morning went to osaka. three hour bullet train trip. saw the country side. played "i spot a graveyard" (all of them looked like chess boards). arrived in osaka, which looks like a cross between la, new york, and hawaii. beautiful.

the next few days we walked around the shopping areas. watched eagle eye in a theater. attempted to order food from pictures in restaurants. went to the mall. ate a lot of mcdonalds (which is SO much better and well put together). and felt totally isolated and out of place. hardly anyone speaks english there. i felt so silent the entire time. justin knew a decent amount of the language, which helped, but i felt like the typical stupid american.

i was there two full days, two half days, and it was worth every minute. what a strange, different world. i will probably never get to go there again, and i am very glad i took the chance. it still has not registered. here are some pictures, although i have the memories plastered across my brain.

osaka shopping area.
typical neon everywhere.

late night mcdonalds!

view from hotel. ugly except the farris wheel.

osaka.

when the woman that you love is gone, she's bombing east japan.

but i am back now, so no fear! i am still recovering from the immense amount of travelling! i will update asap with a summary of my adventure and some pictures. thank you for the cheers to my spur of the moment escape to the other side of the globe!!!

as of this afternoon...

i am in japan. unexpected adventure. it is amazing. surreal. nothing i could have imagined. it is just like it is in the movies, but so much cooler. this is all for now.

Silver Bonaparte is the psycho-killer blonde I met last month at this grocery store rave in Northeast. "Pour me another one," I ask her politely, whilst she sidesips my martini with her neon blue straw. A naked dip in the neighbor's pool. Silver doesn't follow normal codes of conduct. In the short time I have know her, I have known her to; rescue nine dogs from the inhumanity of leashes, and therefore their tyrant masters; cement sixteen yellow "deaf child" signs into the lawns of governmental office buildings; and hold three ex-lovers hostage until they would give her back her heart.

"Love is a dangerous angel," Silver sits tall and squares herself to my hunched shoulders, "And I love danger."

I don't face her; her eyes are looking to ignite something, and I am full of doused ideas.

I pick apart a napkin with some hopeful's telephone number scrawled across it--not my napkin, but Silver's, "Love just leaves me bleu--aged and sour."

I meander on about the vanity of blacks and purples, the cross-stitching of lives, and the absurdity of painted glass. Silver's eyes never leave my hands while I speak. I imagine she sees how unsteady they are, how faltering.

Before I duck my head to say goodbyes, she digs her violet nails into my arm and demands, "Never leave bed before high noon, never apologize, and never--don't ever--let them take you dead. Fight like hell before you have to sink your teeth in."

I think Silver is a beautiful vampire, living eras before her time. She fights wars while the humans dream away the twilight, twisted around their worser halves. She wants me to fight too, but I can't sell my life to some cause--I am too busy trying to own mine.

dinosaur shadow puppet eating finger-palm tree, duh.

thank god for credit cards.

tonight i started my dance class at the old studio i used to compete at, QC dance. the class is an 18+ alumni group. lately my trusty metabolism has been slowing a bit, and i know i need to get exercise somehow. unfortunately, i hate exercise. ha. so i was pumped when i saw that this class was being offered. i know half of the people in the class from previous years at dance, and i feel like i am keeping up enough, for not having danced in seven years. yikes. i am glad i found something constructive to do with my wednesday nights!

my finances have been cut a bit after paying all of my student loans and bills, so i had less money in my account than i thought i would have. i love my credit card. paid for my class with it, and i will pay for my upcoming hair coloring/cut on the 30th. i love getting my hair done. makes me feel like a new woman. haha. i think i will be going a bit darker for winter, and i may be dying my purple chunks a brown. i eventually want to phase them out, despite how much i love them, but they have the reddish tint that does not pull out of blonde hair easily. meh. i will cross that bridge when i get to it, i suppose!

anyway. 'tis all for now.

hush now.

sometimes i have found that silence is the most effective form of communication. most often, it leads others to desperately fill the quiet. in this desperation, people show their true colors and reveal too much. silence can be one of the deadliest weapons of all.

i'll fight her wars, and she'll smite my enemies.

saint cloud was a hot mess. apparently it was their homecoming, so everyone had been drinking since the early morning. trust me. you could tell. needless to say, we all hid in a corner booth upstairs until readygoes went on stage. in the meantime, however, several creepy men thought they had the right to leer, lean, and talk all over our table. gross. the couple next to us got in a fight and the guy smashed his beer bottle all over the table. scary. reminded me of an ex boyfriend i have, and made me feel sorry for the girl. yikes. those are the types of guys you need to run, run, run away from. finally we cautiously made out way onto the dance floor. the boys went on, mike minehart showed up, as did eckum and his sister, rachel. us girls put "blinders" on and danced our way past the annoyances of the surrounding crowd. halfway through the two hour set we had to take a break and get away from the drunken masses. at this point, though, several drunk blonde girls around us had knocked lydia's drinks down her back, down her front, and all over the floor. lydia was getting feisty, and iiiiii love feisty lydia. we snuck out back to take some jag shots from a flask, as we were definitely needing a pick-me-up. we entered back inside, but heather and laura informed us that the blonde girls were talking amongst themselves about how they wanted to fight lydia. oh. bring it on. we were more than ready to settle the score in spite of all of these ridiculous people. the girls spilt lydia's drink again, of course we were expecting it, and it happened. lydia got in her face telling her to settle down. the girl was a mess and shouting randomness back at lydia. finally lydia smashed the girl's drink to the floor (glorious!!!) "how do you like that?" the girl was stunned. both of them started getting in each others faces more. as this happens, her friends stand (or rather, drunkenly lean) behind drunk blonde girl and all of us girls go to lydia's side. laura crosses her arms. i stand stone still behind lydia eyeing the chic. heather casually puts her arm around lydia's front to hold her back, as the drunk blonde girl's friend does the same to her friend. finally we pull them apart. the drunk blonde girl is freaking out, explaining how much she hates lydia to her friend, and looks at me (still staring her down) and says "and look at her friend!!! see!?!" i ask "what?!" she then attempts to "burn" me by making fun of my "team edward" shirt. but unfortunately she is too intoxicated to read, and she obviously does not read twilight in her spare time. she stumbles "easm edward? what the fuck does that mean?!" i laugh and reply calmly, "oh honey, if you weren't so drunk, you would maybe be able to read. pathetic." she spits and stutters, "you're ugly!!!" lydia lunges at the drunk blonde girl, ready to punch. heather pulls her away again. me, calmly, "well you're fat." okay. i realize that saying that to anyone is an awful thing to do. but i wanted to wind her up. she really was not THAT fat, but, yeah. i can be malicious. she, with mouth hanging open, "what are you talking about!?!" heather then proceeds to show her with spacing her thumb and forefinger apart, "thin. fat. thin. fat." the girl comes after me. i smile languidly. enjoying every second. finally her friends pull her away while she is fuming mad. us girls just laugh and dance in a circle. we finally got our aggressions out on someone in this stupid crowd. awful, but amazzziinnggg. meanwhile, all of her friends kept coming up to lydia apologizing for their friend's behavior. lydia is a scary mofo when she wants to be, and they were obviously intimidated. loved it. anyway. the show continues. mo comes down into the crowd and plays a guitar part in the middle of us girls. heather steals shackle's hat and rocks it. shackle sings to us as we make faces. show ends. we all go back to the hotel. pajama part it up. the guys arrive back to their hotel room one floor above us. we grab ice and make our way up to their joint. instead of walking, i choose to gallop and whinny, which the hotel manager and security apparently do not appreciate. they yell at me to calm down, and begin their chase of us. we run upstairs and lock ourselves quietly in the boys' room. security then finds all of us, knocks on the door, and yells again. jerks. we were not even being loud. the loudest thing in the room was the television (which was playing a star trek movie, because i demanded it to be so). our room leaves after the second security threat and runs back downstairs with security tailing us. we lock in and almost fall asleep, but then rachel, her friend, and some of the guys come back down to hang. we drink some jag, they drink some vodka, we all play musical rooms, and eventually fall asleep around 5:00 am, after a few more security threats. they totally hated us...
in the morning we all trudged to the green mill, where i got their mushroom and something tortellini. i was having cravings. ate. joked around. watched some high-def football (and pretended to get into it, when in reality i think the vikes are a total joke). and left. poor lydia was not feeling well at all. we drove home to our respective cities, and all of us probably slept for a combined 298,498 hours.

this was saint cloud. it was pretty awful, but some of the awfulness made it interesting. i swear, saint cloud is totally a bermuda triangle. every time we go there it ends up being the STRANGEST night ever, in some way or another.

p.s. do not point and give the "rock-n-roll" hand gesture at band members an entire show like you know them, just to look cool. you don't.

p.p.s. dinosaur shadow puppets eating palm tree fingers are boss.

a preview

p.s.

1. my mom just told me that my hair looks like something crawled up and died in it. awesome!!!
2. i saw and HAD to buy a "team edward" shirt. oh yes, homies. i WILL be wearing it tonight. prepare for pictures. ::cullen swoon::
3. after going to the pumkin patch and seeing some kittens this week, and after seeing jessica's new kitties... i wannnnnt one.

a lot of words, a lot of updates.

how could i hype up the matches show so much and then not post about it the second after? i am ridiculous. forgive. it has been a long week, with little sleep, and a lot of working.

so friday rolls around, and i am excited out of my mind, like said. dylan confirmed list spot that day, which was nicer than nice, since i have not seen him for ages. heather and i head down to the triple rock an hour early to eat some delicious blts and mashed potatoes and gravy (the latter was heather's idea). right when we pull up we see dlyan playing guitar outside. it amazingly was a beautiful day (with it having been raining in the early morning). we hug. we giggle. we are back in love. jon is sleeping on the concrete next to us, as he had gotten a bit intoxicated the night before. he immediately pops up and begins conversations. i thought he said he had pooped his pants, he thought i said my name was linda. fair trade. ben walks by doing his job of loading and unloading, we exchange hellos. heather and i make our way into the bar. eat. some guy thinks i am a druggie, as i scream "where's my queludes!?!" but i swear i was just quoting almost famous. mo arrives. i made him go. bought his ticket. knew he would enjoy. we also needed male support, so we did not look like groupie girls (which we sort of are when it comes to this band). ben and dylan stroll around to the front and we chat about myspace phishing, strip clubs, and people who hate us. they leave. kari gray arrives. we all go inside, i buy shots of "minnesota nice" that kari swears are good because they are a pink color, but which the bartender apparently HATES making. i end up buying six of them, and tipping a million dollars to salvage the relationship that i have with the person making my drinks. we cheers to unicorns, the color purple, and cities beginning in the letter 'r.' wonderful. starting to feel it. the show is about to begin. we make our way inside. packed with 12yo emo kids and dudes who look like they should be at a wrestling match. matches goes on...

delicious.

mosh pits ensue. mo protects. heather and i dance like fools. mo pretends to not know us. i scream "i love you dylan!" dylan makes a "yessss" pumping motion with his fist and laughs. shawn is screaming and falling all into the crowd. crowd is wild. went by far too fast. mo loved it. heather and i obviously adored it. we walk by shawn and tell him "good show" and that he should come join us in the bar for a drink. a few minutes later, kari walks in with him and beats me to it--buying him a "minnesota nice" which the bartender STILL hates. kari asks why she hates it, i never heard the reason. shawn sits patiently in our circle. heather is quiet and cute, i know she is dying inside. mo makes some comment about bacon night, and how it should be wednesday. he then says that "salad is what food eats." this may be true, but the fact that shawn is a vegetarian may pose a problem to both of these comments. we all ponder what the cards stuck to the ceiling are stuck with. we conclude--tacks. ben comes, i buy him a drink. where is dylan? i demanded he drink with me. apparently, dylan had justin's old I.D. unfortunately, triple rock hates everyone and took it from him. he is stuck out back. luckily, i have a case of premos in the back of my car. i meet him there, force a beer down his throat, and we pee standing next to each other next to some poor shrub. sorry shrub. i go back in to discover conversations had happened without me. mo and shawn had talked about being born and what it would feel like, coming back as dinosaurs, and who knows what else. shawn asked heather where her "funny friend" is (me), because how do you know what a lego person is without their head? what!? heather told him she always wanted to have a beard. weird. i buy ben a drink. i drink more. we all drink more. the guys have bus call soon, we all walk back to the vans for goodbyes. we hug. we laugh. we cry without the crying part. perfect night. perfect.

heather, mo, and i all follow kari to her place, she jumps in my car. we sing margot and talk about bastards who stole her tamborine. boo. we arrive at the ugly mug. free cover thanks to mo. i buy drinks for all. run into gabe. kari runs into her friends. i do not remember much after this. eventually i say farewell to kari with promises of hangs soon. we (i) stumble to luce where we meet lydia (where did she come from?). we get two salads and about eight pieces of pizza between us. total? $3. i love people knowing people who work there. amen! we eat. i bitch about my fanta girl dreams. we all leave. part ways. the end of nights.

sunday all of blark went to the spirit of '76 show at the triple rock. farewell continental was opening. i know four out of the five members. was interested in seeing them do their thing. waited for them to begin. in the mean time said hello and chatted it up with the singer's family. adore them. said hello to the piano player who was headed backstage. and waited. strange. ski masks (to conceal idenity). a lot of long interludes of whining guitars and synth notes. four songs. very strange experience. interested to see if the gimmick will continue and if it will draw people in. and no i will not tell you who is behind the masks. all of us (blark) began to drink some more. hung around for spirit. they were good, not the best i have seen them, but good none the less.

in consequence to all of these good hangs, heather and i missed the melismatics' cd release party with white light riot. oops.

since then i have worked a ton. figured out my head a bit more (stabilized). realized how much i love my job. it is so rewarding to work with crazy little kidlets. they say the funniest things, have so much potential, and i feel like i have the capability to influence them in their lives. i love it all.

tonight us girls are roadtripping up to saint cloud for our boys' band, readygoes, show at the red carpet. lydia, heather, laura, and i all got a hotel room together (to save ourselves from hanging outside until 4am wondering what we will do). the triple threat is going up early, so that we can hang out in the whirlpool and relax before the show. i refuse to get as ridiculous as i was last time i went to the red carpet. i looked at my check card statement and understood how i forgot the entire night last time. i spent $41. drinks are like a dollar. did i buy the whole bar drinks!? no. i drank them myself. i am an idiot. never again. so in any event, it should be a good time. i will update later with pictures and events.

thanks for reading.

smiling.

i just went to the gas station by my house to pick up a few things before the show tonight, and the older lady behind the counter, who i have never seen before, says, "you are just a stunning woman. some people are cute, pretty, or sweet looking, but you are just striking." the line behind me then proceeded to add their two cents. "beautiful eyes," etc... that was the nicest thing i have heard in a long time, especially from strangers. it is crazy how much one small compliment from someone with no personal investment means. i will be smiling all weekend now. i must "pay it forward" thrice fold. sometimes life and people surprise me for the better.

MORE IMPORTANTLY

video time!

i am going to bed early tonight, because it is like christmas tomorrow! the matches!!! dylan, their new bassist who i met at sxsw and became friends with (while he was in a different band at the time), texted me today and wanted to put me on the list and said he was super jazzed for hangs tomorrow. i cannot wait to see him. i cannot wait to see the matches again and rock out. and most of all, i cannot wait for dagger to see them preform! here is my favorite video of theirs, so that if you do not know of these boys, you can get a taste of them. dylan is not in this video, as he was not a part of the band at this time. it is for the song "salty eyes."



and my friend nick's new video, "saved," just came out from the spill canvas. i am digging on his new style! very proud of him. check out the video below.





life is good. life is good. life. is. SO. good.
even though my body is dying.

may your organs fail before your dreams fail you.

i think it is interesting that the people who are most insecure about their lives are the ones to critique mine like they know it. like they know me at all, or anymore. they are the ones to prove themselves and their accomplishments against mine. they pay more attention to what i am doing than to the good things in their life. they feel some sort of ownership of what i do, how i feel, who i am, and who i know.

i make my own life. you make yours.

let us both live those lives happily and separately. realize that you are only going to make yourself crazy bothering yourself over someone, like me, who is apparently "fake, insane, selfish, awful, vindictive, yellow, cactus, apple, [insert whatever else ridiculous adj./noun you feel like using here]."

lives collide and then divert. it is the nature of things. i may have bumped into yours at one point, but that does not mean you have anything to do with me and mine anymore. no one is perfect. i am not. you are not. i do not claim to be. and i do not expect you to be. there are things i admire about you. and there are things i like about myself. but i try not to dwell on any of that, especially if you are not a part of my sphere.

let's move on now.
i grow weary from these circles.

mad men

my mother and i are currently obsessed with the show mad men. i know jessica has mentioned it in her previous posts, but we just bought the first season's dvds. love it.

on another note: who is excited for the matches show @ the triple rock on friday?! i know i am! and i know dagger is! oh my. i am already dying in happiness. ::swoon::

mad world.

things are changing. people are growing up--becoming adults. everyone is essentially who they have always been. good times are just as good, if not better than they used to be. i love my friends more, i trust my friends more, and i depend (in a healthy way) on them more than i used to.

it is strange, though, to get to this point in life. my education is complete. i have many bills to pay. i have to start thinking about real things, like a place to live, my career path, my future. it is a scary prospect. i guess i should not be overly concerned at this point. i am only a few month out of college, and i am doing just fine. i want to take the time i do have to enjoy myself. but i am overwhelmed by the things my friends and i will be facing very soon, it seems.

quarter-life crises happen, and it appears that i may be starting mine.

bleh.

• both mccain and obama annoy the crap out of me.
• obama's "smirk-stare" while he listened to mccain creeped me out.
• neither man can say anything much of substance.
• last night's debate was a waste of time--they just blamed each other for whatever was wrong.
• i favor mccain only slightly more because i am by nature a conservative.
• i still think that nothing great and magnificent will happen during this presidency, no matter who gets it.
• drill in america so we stop depending on other nations.
• privatize social security. it was never intended to be something that everyone got forever. it was for the depression, and to get THOSE people out of it. it's failing? well, duh. inevitable.
• i do not like higher taxes for the richer. flat tax everyone or something. the rich should not suffer just because they have worked for/inherited/schemed for their money.
• brilliant ideas of "change" are great... but where are you going to get all of this money to change things, huh?
  
• the rest of it? whatever.
• so over it.
  

holy cow, i want you to get out...

and tell all of your friends that i'm not myself again.

sarah screamed: your every breath is a gift.

i am a bit too lazy to type out full events of last weekend and this week. this weekend was insanity. little sleep. many people. wonderful hangs (think: wannabe hasbeen show, many ugly mug hangs, many things being broken). this week was happiness. uplifting. strange (think: pajama porch hangs, drinking candy land, declarations). i have included pictures. the only thing missing was my lovely heather dagger. boo urns. home sick.